Passover is almost over, but looking back at last Friday night, you're probably thinking: A celebrity would have really spiced up my Seder. Well, have no fear, the Schmooze is here. First of all, we have some celebrity Passover tweets, to get an idea of what different Seder guests would have been like – in 140 characters or less. Joan Rivers, for example, said that "Seders in L.A. are so showbiz – until Elijah arrives, we've hired a seat filler from the Oscars." NPR White House reporter Ari Shapiro tweeted that Pessah is the time "to throw out half the jar of horseradish that's been in my fridge since last Passover, and buy a new one." Star Trek legend Leonard Nimoy took a more serious route, tweeting: "Passover. A time of renewal. May we be free from old burdens. LLAP. [Live long and prosper]"Foreign Policy
Meanwhile, Jewish dating site Jewcier put together its own Jewish celebrity seder dream-team, for those too lazy to come up with a guest list on their own. Seated at a Last Supper-esque table are Jon Stewart, in Jesus's spot, Bob Dylan, Chelsea Handler, Barbra Streisand, Madonna ("AKA Esther," Jewcier pointed out), Natalie Portman, David Beckham, Barbra Walters, Sacha Baron Cohen, Gene Simmons, Drake, Leonard Nimoy and Scarlett Johansson. That would certainly make for an interesting Seder!
It's interesting that Jon Stewart is in Jesus's spot at the Seder, considering his stance on the eternal question: Which holiday is cooler, Easter or Passover? Stewart sadly admitted on The Daily Show that Easter, with its colorful eggs and chocolate bunnies, is more appealing to children, calling for more exciting ways to market Pessah, like a Red Sea waterpark.
magazine blogger Daniel W. Drezner took an even bleaker view of Passover, wondering what would happen if the Exodus story took place today
. Drezner wrote a fake news story titled: "UN Security Council meeting on Jewish Exodus ends in chaos: Permanent Five split on who to sanction for loss of life." In the article, US Ambassador to the UN Susan Rice blasts the Pharaoh regime’s "repeated human rights abuses and acts of genocide…against the Jewish population in Egypt." Russia, however, accuses Moses of being a war criminal for slaughtering every first-born male child in Egypt and "luring innocent Egyptian troops into the kill zone [the Red Sea] before massacring them."
The biggest piece of gossip this Passover is that U2 frontman Bono visited Israel this week. He was spotted at the Jaffa bar "Container" on Monday night. Bono is on a private trip to Israel, but rumor has it that the visit has to do with Dropbox, the file-storing site, in which he has invested in the past.
Finally, the moment you've all been waiting for. The Schmooze warned you two weeks ago, and here it comes: Drake's re-bar mitzva. The video for "HYFR," his new song with Lil' Wayne (in an unfortunate Panda mask for most of the clip), takes place in a Miami Synagogue and features clips of little Aubrey Graham (Drake's real name) on his bar mitzva day. The Jewish rapper gets lifted on a chair and reads from the Torah, but also drinks a lot and dances with scantily-clad women. It is a hip-hop video, after all.The Weekly Schmooze collects the hottest Jewish culture news from around the world. Ranging from celebrities to philanthropy to quirky communities, we're here to schmooze about Jews. If you have any news to share with The Weekly Schmooze, write to:email@example.com