Dropping the ball

Danny and Marissa sound perfect for each other, so I’ve been trying to set them up. At this point, I don’t know who is more frustrated – Danny, Marissa or myself.

September 8, 2010 17:00
4 minute read.
The dating game

dating311. (photo credit: Courtesy)

You can lead a camel to water, but you can’t make it drink. The same goes for men. I can deliver a Perfect 10 Jewish goddess to a man’s doorstep – but I can’t make him call her.

Such was the case with Danny.

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Danny is a great guy: Besides being really nice and having good morals, he’s also a successful accountant who owns his own place, has a fantastic sense of humor and a nice head of hair. His only drawbacks are his height – a whopping five foot two inches – and his age, 39.

Neither makes him a lost cause, but a great guy who is still single and approaching 40 makes me wonder.

All is not lost, since there are more than enough single Jewish shorties out there over the age of 30.

True, some women may not mind a guy who is shorter than them or more than 10 years older than them, but Danny is looking to settle down; and if I was going to set him up, I needed to be realistic while also putting the odds in his favor.

I consulted my database of single friends and found one in particular who I thought was beyond perfect.

Marissa is tiny, barely five feet, probably 100 pounds soaking wet, and in her early 30s. Besides having a thriving career as a family therapist, she also has great hobbies that include baking professional- style cakes for friends’ simhas. Her family is active in the community and has a reputation for being super-duper nice.

Feeling like I had hit this one on the nose, I started facilitating the match.

I told each of them about the other, and both sounded excited and receptive. I told Marissa that Danny would call her, and she agreed to let me give him her number.

So Danny has Marissa’s number… but doesn’t use it. One, two, three weeks go by, and nothing.

When I ran into Marissa and she asked what was up, I didn’t have an excuse. She had been so excited by the prospect of dating Danny that she had even told some of our mutual friends about it, so they too were asking me what was going on – but I still didn’t have an answer.

Danny had said he was interested, so why hadn’t he dialed Marissa’s number? When I approached him about it, he again said he would call her – and again failed to.

At this point, Marissa was done. She felt rejected and had written Danny off as a loser.

I told Danny that since he had screwed up, he needed to call Marissa, and keep calling her until she answered and agreed to go out with him.

What did he do with my advice? He texted her. I seriously could strangle him. Now I realize why he’s about to turn 40 and is as lonely as the last macaroon in the tin after Pessah.

Marissa was smart enough not to answer the text, and I advised her to disregard it and give him a second (third?) chance after he had put in some effort.

Then I told him to call her and leave a message, then wait two days and call her again. We’ll see if that happens.

I don’t know who is more frustrated – Danny, Marissa or myself.

I’ve now realized that the only person holding Danny back from being in a successful relationship is Danny himself. If he calls Marissa, I hope she will give him a chance after giving him crap for waiting so long. But I’m not ever setting Danny up with another girl just to hurt her feelings before he’s even met her.

I can’t force someone into a match, but I would hope that if they came to me looking to be set up, then they would actually act on it when I do so.

My friend Josh is no better. I send him photo after photo of attractive, smart, nice, single, Jewish women, and one after another he rejects them. I’ve learned the hard way not to tell the ladies on whose behalf I was soliciting Josh because I’ve had to gently let down too many of them after building Josh up.

Josh has high standards, but these women meet those standards and I don’t know what his problem is. Now, instead of allowing him to reject the women via me, I will simply continue to send him eligible bachelorettes until one strikes his fancy. Hopefully, when that time comes, he will actually call her and not drop the ball.

It doesn’t matter what the situation is: whether it’s a set-up, JDate, or through any other channel. If you’re single, you’re eventually going to get rejected by someone you’ve never even met when they don’t call, for whatever reason.

It’s an unfortunate part of dating, but I don’t believe its one to be taken personally. It’s their loss, right?

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