She's no Miss Manners

By TAMAR CASPI
April 7, 2009 14:19

I admit, the ugly stuff some of us ladies pull on dates is right on par with what any guy can do.

4 minute read.



The Jerusalem Post

date good 88 248. (photo credit: Bloomberg)

Women are not innocent when it comes to making dating difficult. As much as I complain about lack of chivalry by men and their bad manners in restaurants, women have their own faults worth mentioning. From not giving a guy a chance if he doesn't call within 48 hours to ordering the most expensive item on the menu, women have dating habits that could be considered more disgusting than talking with their mouths full. From before the date even begins, there is ample opportunity for women to be rude. A girl I know cancels J*Dates at the very last minute for the most inane reasons. One time, she Googled the guy, found out what he did for a living, and broke off the date just minutes before they were supposed to meet because she preferred someone with a more successful career. She's also canceled dates because she was no longer in the mood, because she had a zit and because she "felt fat." One time, she canceled on a J*Date after their first phone conversation because she didn't like the sound of his voice. Another time, she canceled because she "knew" - even before meeting him - that he wasn't for her. I keep telling her, if you really don't want to go out on the date, don't - but at least show common courtesy by canceling earlier. One guy friend told me about a girl who accepted his offer to pick her up, even though he lives in Tel Aviv and she lives in Jerusalem. When she got in the car he asked her where to go, figuring she knew the local restaurants better than he did. But she kept suggesting restaurants in Tel Aviv, expecting him to drive back and forth again without a word of protest. You don't have to be a genius to know he didn't call her for a second date. Women will purposefully keep a guy waiting, even though their date has made an effort to arrive on time and bearing flowers. My friend Lisa is always late - not just five or 10 minutes, but half an hour minimum. To a guy who's nervously anticipating a first meeting, that feels like an eternity! I've known her for 10 years and still get frustrated every time she makes me wait, so I can't imagine how guys feel when they're picking her up or meeting her somewhere. Definitely not a good first impression. It doesn't matter whom you're meeting, it could be your mom, your friend or a date - show a person you value him or her by valuing their time. My friend Itai has a "test" for women. He drives a vintage car that doesn't have power locks. So he figures he can prove how well-mannered a woman is by unlocking and opening her door and then checking to see if she bothered to lean over and unlock his door from the inside before he gets there. Many a woman has failed this experiment and Itai doesn't forget it. Reward a chivalrous act with one of your own. When men complain about dates with Jewish women, we usually fall into one of two negative stereotypes: the incessant talker and the persistent inquirer. The incessant talker is the woman who talks about herself so much that just about anyone could be sitting across from her. She forgets to ask questions and comes off as self-absorbed. The persistent inquirer is the woman who asks so many questions her date doesn't even get a chance to get to know her. She's so concerned with filling every second with conversation that her efforts come off as overly eager and insincere. But trying to carry a conversation is not a Jewish characteristic (or even necessarily a female one). It's a trait of someone sitting on a first date full of nerves and scared of awkward silence. A couple of my guy friends have shared other bad date experiences. Their dates will order the lobster (or the kosher equivalent of the most expensive item on the menu) and then, after dinner, excuse themselves to use the restroom just as the check is being brought to the table. I suppose women believe it's easier to simply be absent from the table rather than decide whether or not to offer to split the bill, but it's vulgar and crass. Other men have recounted dates where the women have forgotten to say "thank you" at the end of the night - unforgivable. Regardless whether you liked the date, hated the date or it was a catastrophic nightmare, you still need to say thank you, especially if you didn't even offer to pay! Other horror stories I've heard include the women treating the waiter like a slave, flirting with another man, talking and texting on the phone, checking their watches, constantly checking out the crowd and regularly checking their reflection in every mirror and window. Even if your date bores you to death, be polite and put on an act, because the last thing you want is to be remembered as unladylike.


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