Dating Games: Hitch niche

Once you figure out what makes you unique, use these traits to your advantage.

By TAMAR CASPI SHNALL
I'm special cartoon DO NOT USE (photo credit: Pepe Fainberg)
I'm special cartoon DO NOT USE
(photo credit: Pepe Fainberg)
Everybody has something special about them, something no one else has that makes them stand out from the rest. It’s this “thing” that is your conversation starter when you meet someone, this “thing” is what people remember about you, this “thing” is your niche, and you gotta have a niche if you wanna get hitched.
Most of us may be too modest to have thought about the things that make you special, so instead think about the things that make you different.
Different isn’t bad anymore – you’re not in elementary school and going to be teased, instead different now makes you unique, and unique makes you memorable.
For some people it’s physical: maybe you’re like actress Mila Kunis and have two different-colored eyes, or you could be taller than average like Jeff Goldblum, or anything you can highlight that will make you stand out at first sight.
For some people it’s more cerebral: maybe you have an IQ like Albert Einstein, are an economics expert like Alan Greenspan or have started a lucrative business like Mark Zuckerberg. For others it’s a skill: maybe you sing like Neil Diamond, are as funny as Billy Crystal, as athletic as Omri Casspi or as talented as Marc Chagall. Some people are extra-special and have traits from more than one category! Annie Leibovitz is an incredibly talented celebrity photographer and is unusually tall for a woman.
Enough about the famous Jews, but this is a good example of people who took advantage of their “something special” and made a career out of it. All I’m asking you to do is find your something special and use it to start a conversation. You could speak multiple languages, or read 150 words a minute, or have rescued animals – just find something that makes you stand out! Once you figure out what makes you unique use these traits to your advantage.
Describe it in the “About Me” section of JDate, or whatever Internet dating site you use. Think about the things that make you special so when you meet someone new and they say “tell me about yourself” you have an answer ready to go! No more “um’s” and “hmm’s” trying to think of something to say and looking silly because you can’t think of anything interesting about yourself. It shouldn’t be a canned speech and it shouldn’t sound rehearsed or old.
Talking about yourself is awkward, but part of dating is describing the type of person you are and that should include promoting the stuff about you that’s awesome! Try to sound casual, but don’t discount your achievements for the sake of sounding humble. Yes, you should be modest, but don’t be one of those people who doesn’t brag about a promotion at work they received just an hour before the date for the sake of not sounding like a braggart. You achieved something and you should be proud of yourself, not embarrassed to stand out.
We all have something special, just figure out what your “thing” is. Besides your age, where you’re from and what you do, you now have an interesting tidbit that you can share. And this isn’t one of those boring tidbits like what sorority or fraternity you belonged to in college or that you work out every day or enjoy spending time with your family and friends, but rather tidbits that are fun and exciting and lead to a more lively and interesting conversation.
These tidbits pique curiosity and will make people take notice.
Remember, we’re looking for the attributes you have which will elicit a positive response in people’s brains – not that your knees pop when you run because you were a ballerina or that you just lost 40 pounds (although that is awesome!) on some weird cayenne pepper–lemon juice diet, or that you think you’re about to quit your job and join the masses in the unemployment line (unless it’s because your Etsy shop has made you millions).
If you honestly cannot find anything special about yourself then this exercise will give you the opportunity to do new activities, explore within and look in the mirror in a different way.
It’s an exercise in self-confidence, maturity and strength that you need for dating.
Find a physical trait to highlight: ladies, you may have a scar on your collarbone that has a great story behind it, and now you’ll wear one-shoulder shirts to events. Men, pick something simple like your strong hands that delivered a breech calf, so make sure your nails are clean and that you touch a woman’s arm every now and then.
Find a cerebral trait to highlight as well, but wield your weapons wisely – no one wants to be made to feel inferior or stupid.
Some people try to blend in to the crowd because they are insecure for reasons that I’m not going to get into and may even be unknown to them, but you’ll never meet someone that way. No one will notice you if you don’t notice yourself first.
I’m not saying you should be loud and obnoxious to get attention, but be proud of what makes you a unique individual and that will shine through.
Something you were told was odd or weird now makes you special and unique and these traits that you may have been ashamed of and made fun of for in grade school are now something you can embrace. What is it about you that should catch the other person’s attention?