Today in the shower (where, oddly, a lot of my best insights take place), it suddenly dawned on me that good, mindful dating involves a lot of forgiveness.

This is because aside from the lucky segment of the population that gets happily paired up at a young age, dating is often a frustrating process that involves putting yourself out there, over and over for a period of years, despite not getting the ultimate results you want. (And isn’t that the definition of insanity, according to our revered member of the tribe Albert Einstein? Doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results?) Wondering why you have failed yet again to meet the right guy for you, it’s easy to give in to the instinct – sometimes voiced by moi, a firstborn perfectionist, and sometimes voiced by others, who are trying to pinpoint exactly what is going on – to put the blame on something or someone. I’m too picky! My parents messed me up! My aging looks are repelling the young stallions! But if you’ve been doing your very best – and even if you can do a little better – isn’t it time you let all that go? We all have one life to live, so why not free ourselves of resentments and be as happy as we can in the moment? (And when you’re happy, it shines through, making you more attractive!) Here’s the list of the types of forgiveness I am going to try to practice in my daily life, starting at the Seder (since, let’s face it, it’s during such charged periods of family togetherness, with all the different generations sitting around the table, that many of these feelings will likely crop up):

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