(photo credit: MCT)
I recently saw an email of a four-panel cartoon. The first panel showed a teenager
with a cigarette in her mouth; the next panel depicted a child with multiple
piercings taking drugs; the third, a pregnant teenager; and the fourth was a
picture of a teen in pajamas sleeping on the couch. The caption read: “See Mom,
aren’t you glad I’m just me?” You may be frustrated by your child’s one-word
answers, his crazy hours, fingers glued to his cell phone, some self-centered
behavior and his seeming disregard for the world. But I find teenagers to be
amazing. When I chat with them one-on-one I never cease to be surprised by their
sensitivity and caring, strength and value system.
wonderful. They are so open and honest. It can be hard when they wear their
feelings on the outside, especially when their moods change constantly. They can
be in tears and in so much pain one minute and laughing the next, leaving us
adults upset and bewildered by their sudden mood changes.
How does one
differentiate between a teenager who is just acting his age from one who
seriously needs help? How does one recognize depression or a mood disorder in
adolescents? After all, aren’t teens wired to behave like that? Have you ever
known a teenager who is never sullen, moody, down or depressed? Short-tempered,
eye-rolling, disgruntled, argumentative children who sit glued to technological
devices are a frequent fixture in my waiting room – but once they are inside my
office, they are often a delight.
Most kids feel down from time to time,
whether they are having a bad day, did poorly on a test, had a fight with a
girlfriend, or feel angry or sad for no apparent reason.
At the end of
the day, I often tell parents that their child’s “devastating” behavior is
“just” normal. But what if he or she is having problems? What should you, as a
parent, look for and how do you know when your child needs help? Figuring out
what is going on in the mind of an adolescent is not easy and it is always best
to err on the side of caution.
HERE ARE some questions for you to answer
for yourself to help you decide if your child needs help.
Is your child
overly judgmental or critical of his own behavior? Does he blame himself for
everything that seems to go wrong and have a hard time seeing the positives in
While teenagers are often known for their erratic sleep and eating
behaviors, have your child’s patterns changed? Does the child sleep more or less
than usual, wake at strange hours, have great difficulty getting to and staying
asleep or seem exhausted all day long in spite of having a full night's sleep?
Has he dramatically cut back on – or seem unable to stop – eating? Is there a
marked weight gain or loss?
Are there dramatic mood swings with or without
anger, irritability or sadness that seem to last longer than they should, are
frightening or intense? Is there behavior that is simply unexplainable? Is your
child unmotivated? Is he socializing less or lacking energy? Has he lost
interest in activities that he previously seemed to enjoy?
Is she indecisive or
having a harder time making decisions, focusing or concentrating?
Does he act
dejected, have little or no hope, seem sad, feel worthless or inadequate or seem
unable to see that things can improve with time? Does he engage in
self-destructive and risk-taking behavior?
Does he drink or use drugs in excess?
Is she sexually promiscuous, dealing with an eating disorder, cutting or other
forms of self-mutilation?
Does he isolate himself, withdraw from friends or talk
of not having any – both in reality and within his social media network? Does he
allow you a glimpse into this world and do you like what you see or does he
relate to technology in an unhealthy way?
Does he think or talk about hurting
himself, wish that he were no longer around or suggest that others would be
better off without him?
BEING A teenager is tough. Not quite an adult and no
longer a child, teens feel pressure from peers and challenged to make decisions
for which they may not feel ready, all while dealing with the normal
physiological, physical and emotional challenges and changes of adolescence. The
world has changed and it may be through text messaging and Facebook that we
actually gain a greater insight into the emotional world of our children than we
might have by frontal contact in the old days.
Symptoms of depression
involve changes in mood, behavior, thoughts and feelings. When your child’s
sadness seems to last longer than it should (a few weeks or more), involves
several areas of functioning (home, school, with friends or family), seems
worse, more frequent, intense or severe and doesn’t go away or improve with
time, you should question whether something else is going on. Trust your gut and
if you’re concerned, seek professional help. Depression is treatable.
Batya L. Ludman is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in
Ra’anana. Send correspondence to ludman@ netvision.net.il or visit her website
at www.drbatyaludman.com. Her book,
Life’s Journey: Exploring Relationships –
Resolving Conflicts, has recently been published by Devora Publishers.