Long live the king?

It's time for Israel to have a king, which is the only answer to terrorism in the Holy Land.

Are you tired of being in debt? Offended by the immodest fashions of Israeli girls? Worried by the influence that Amalek wields over American VIPs? Samuel Avoqiah has the solution. "It's time now," he says with confidence, "for a king in Israel." Avoqiah is serious. The French-born self-described adventurer, back in Israel after nearly a decade of wanderings in New York, Boston and Marseilles, is trying to convince Jews the world over that a king is the answer to terrorism in the Holy Land and assimilation abroad. To this end Avoqiah has established the Qeren Project, with the following aims:
  • Creation of a "Seniors Council" in charge of restructuring the judicial system and enforcing justice
  • Tracking and eliminating all threats to the Jewish People within the kingdom
  • Construction of the Holy Temple On Avoqiah's Web site (www.qeren.net), interested parties can weigh in on the question, "Do you want a King in Israel?" So far, only 83 people have responded. "People get afraid when they hear the word 'kingdom,'" Avoqiah admits. "But it isn't like I want to go back 2,000 years, to riding on donkeys. I think we should have all our space launchers and everything. I just think this is the right time. I'd bet my life on it." So would others in the royalist camp. Last year, for example, a group of Kahanists set up a self-declared Sanhedrin in Israel. They are eager to anoint a king. "We would have liked it to have happened yesterday," one member of the group put it, "but we are willing to wait until tomorrow." "It's great that there are others like them," says Avoqiah without a hint of jealousy. "We just have to see whether they're serious or just clowns." Monarchy advocates envision a just, wise and strong king but, as Jewish history shows, there are more Ahabs and Menashes than Davids and Solomons. It's a danger that the prophet Samuel warned of when the Israelites first asked for a monarch. When Samuel foretold that the Jews would ultimately "cry out... because of your king which ye shall have chosen," he made it clear that a monarch's complete sovereignty would invite capriciousness. Avoqiah is aware of the pitfalls. He'd like to institute a system of checks and balances not unlike the one between America's president and Congress a "very wise system," he says but the details are still in the works. However what is already certain, Avoqiah adds, is that he has no pretensions of being as important a personage as the original Samuel. "I'm just a guy," he says humbly, "with a motorcycle that leaks oil."