Every time I met a man and felt some kind ofchemistry I would start to think about our future. I would imaginephone conversations, plans, obstacles and holidays. And then eachrespective relationship would end before those opportunities ever cameour way and I would be much more disappointed than I should have been.Why? Because I had created a much more serious relationship in my mind- even when I was the one who ended it!
That'swhy I started using a "Chemistry Quiz" to help me separate the men fromthe boys… or rather the potential loves from the obvious lusts.
The first step is simple, and can be used immediately uponmeeting someone - whether through J*Date, a friend or a random meeting.Did you get a tingly feeling in the pit of your stomach or not? Onceyou determine if that tingly feeling is there, you need to figure outwhat it means.
Which brings us to the second step. Are you just on a high frommeeting someone new who shows an inkling of an interest in you, or doyou feel an intangible connection and an ease which you've never feltbefore? This is a little more difficult because it entails digging deepemotionally and determining if you're simply overanxious or ifopportunity has finally knocked on your door.
Now that you've narrowed down your options onceagain you're still not done. This is the point where you need to doublecheck your gut reaction with the third step. Are you so desperate tomeet someone that you're willing to settle, compromise on your futureand overlook a laundry list of items you don't want in a mate? Or isthe person sitting across from you your other half, the person you'vebeen waiting for all your life, the person you can't imagine livingwithout?
The third step sounds a lot easier than you think. Hindsight is20/20, which means being able to spot the traits you don't want in amate probably won't happen for quite some time after they've passed thesecond step. It can take months, even years, before you realize it'sall wrong. Many people remain on their best behavior well into therelationship and it can take a momentous occasion to cause someone toexpose their true self. There's a reason why intuition is notofficially our sixth sense.
Evenafter someone seemingly passes these three steps, people often getsidetracked. Being in the early stages of a relationship means it'seasy to overlook mistreatment or differences in lifestyle while you'reswept up in the game of love. It's difficult to tell the differencebetween lust and love when you're in the middle of it, especially whensomeone has so many qualities you're looking for; and if there'schemistry to boot, it's hard to admit that you've been duped. It's notthat the other person is intentionally conning you, rather you'reblinded by love and can't see what you don't want to see. Or sometimesyou do see it and still don't know what to do.
MY FRIEND Lara took me aside the other day to askmy advice about Bryan, her boyfriend of two years. Everyone keepsasking them when they're going to get engaged, but she hasreservations. After two years she's still not sure he's the one becauseshe feels like he doesn't give her the amount of attention sherequires. She's told him a number of times, but nothing has changed.
I told her she has to decide if this one thing is a make orbreak issue. I also told her that it's never too soon to go to couplestherapy if she wants to make it work with Bryan. Finally, I reassuredher not to be afraid to end the relationship if she's positive he can'tchange… better now than after the wedding.
Be able to read your own vowels: What is your Aptitude forknowing when you're being conned? Are your Emotions getting the best ofyou? Is your Intuition tuned up? Are you Open to meeting anyone atanytime? Do you Understand what or who it is you want in a mate? AndI'll even include the maybe vowel "Y" - are You your top priority?
Between steps and the vowels, the chemistry quiz will prepareyou for knowing if you're truly in love or blinded by lust. Good luck!
A QUICK recap of the three steps and the vowels:
Step 1 - First impressions: Did you get a tingly feeling in the pit of you stomach or not?
Step 2 - Figure out what it means: Are you just on a high from meeting someone new or do you feel an intangible connection?
Step 3 - Double-check your gut reaction: Are you so desperate tomeet someone that you're willing to settle or is the person sittingacross from you your other half?
Vowels: Aptitude, Emotions, Intuition, Openness, Understand + You!
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