Kill ’em with kindness

It doesn’t matter if you’re on the worst date ever – don’t lose your cool with the waiter.

By TAMAR CASPI
Restaurant_58 (photo credit: Pyrio Fainberg)
Restaurant_58
(photo credit: Pyrio Fainberg)
Ican now admit that I haven’t always acted like a lady when a waiter got my order wrong. See, I’m allergic to onions, and I would always say, “No onions, please” when I ordered. Nine times out of 10, my food would arrive with scallions sprinkled on top.
Um, did you know that scallions are a form of onion? I did. So are chives. Shocker, right? Well, the waiter and/or cook must not have been educated on this topic, and it irks me no end. I used to lose my cool, give dirty looks, speak in a nasty tone and just be plain rude.
Would I get a new dish without onions that was probably comped? Sure. But it would also ruin our dinner.
Sending back your food is not fun, and I made it worse by being a jerk. (Would I rather get sick from a meal I paid for than not say anything at all? Of course not.) I was totally unaware of my behavior, but others were not. Finally, “S” let me know and told me he wouldn’t stand for it and that he found it a huge turn-off. He told me the cold, hard truth: that I was embarrassing myself and the people I was with by acting like an ungrateful, spoiled brat. He asked me if I wanted people to have ugly thoughts about me.
Needless to say, my answer was no. He told me that if I didn’t change, he would have to seriously rethink our relationship because he wouldn’t marry somebody who didn’t respect the hardworking people in the service industry. Obviously that got my attention.
I had been completely oblivious to my facial expressions and tone of voice, though I was aware when others acted badly in restaurants or stores – and I didn’t like it.
I didn’t want others to look at me that way anymore, and especially not “S,” the man I was in love with.
So I changed, and for the better. I order more specifically, and make sure to give the waiter a smile and show appreciation for his having to customize my order.
Does my food still arrive with onions sometimes? Sure. But I recognize how hard the waiter is working, and sweetly ask for my food to be replaced. “S” is incredibly proud of me and recently, when the waiter got my order wrong three times in a row, he was impressed by my selfrestraint and ability to keep my composure.
I also make sure to tip extra when my food arrives perfectly, or when it was wrong but has been comped – this is their livelihood, after all, and I do believe in karma.
It doesn’t matter if you’re on the worst date ever – don’t lose your cool with the waiter. It’s okay to be thought of as that person there was no chemistry with, but you don’t want to be remembered as rude. And if you’re on a date that’s borderline – whether it’s going well or not is still being decided – you don’t want to influence it for the worse because you were inconsiderate.
Finally, if a date is going great, don’t ruin it by being ungrateful and impolite.
Being rude may initially make you feel powerful, but when your date looks at you with disgust and the waitstaff is shooting you dirty looks, that’s not a very good feeling.
Women always say they want a man who treats his mother well; but it’s more telling how he treats the waiter. If he thinks the waiter is his personal servant, it’s likely he’ll think of you that way too one day. Do you want your husband to boss you around without any gratitude? I think not.
And women who treat the waitstaff with disregard will most definitely be categorized as snobs, and no one wants to marry a snob.
Do you want to feel used and abused by your wife? Don’t think so. You may say you don’t care what people think of you, but you also don’t want to be thought of in less than a positive way, right? Even when the waiter is the one being rude, don’t stoop down to his or her level. Be the adult and maintain your composure. Kill ’em (the waiter) with kindness and keep ’em (your date) with kindness.
It’s the little things like saying “please” and “thank-you” and actually meaning them that go a long way. It shows you are mature, have good manners and understand the value of hard work.
Those are the virtues to want in your husband or wife and the mother or father of your children.
The Golden Rule – treat others as you want to be treated – is important while dating not just in how you treat your date, but how you treat those around you as well. In fact, the latter is more significant in many ways. So many people try to act like the perfect person at the beginning of a relationship, but let their guard down toward family, friends and strangers. Instilling the Golden Rule will not only make you a better person but a more coveted mate.