A few good men? I’m not sure we have them any more
By AMIR MIZROCHmabhouh suspects 311(photo credit: Screenshot)
Mossad switchboard, Glilot.Hello operator?Yes.This is T from the operations room.Hi T, it’s Y. How’s everything?Okay, how’s with you?Walla, everything’s great. How about you?Good, good. Well, not so good actually.Oh no, what’s wrong?There’s a bit of an emergency unfolding, not pleasant, but I can’t really get into it.I understand. Hush hush, huh?Something like that. So listen, like I said there’s a bit of an emergency happening. I’ve been trying to get hold of D on the phone the whole day but I’m not getting through. He’s not answering his cell and he’s not in his office. I really need to talk to him, you know, get his okay on something.Hold on, let me check with his secretary.Hello L?Hi Y.How’s it going, girl?Oh you know, day by day.I hear you, sister.Listen, where’s D? I’ve got T on the line, he sounds anxious, says he’s been looking for D all day, something about a decision, emergency, hush hush...Problem. What can I tell you, ever since BB announced that D was leaving, he’s been kind of down, mopes around, comes and goes, doesn’t tell me where he’s going or when he’s coming back.Men.Totally.T? Hey listen, D’s not around now, do you want to leave him a message?Well it’s kind of urgent, life-and-death type stuff, you know. I can’t really wait for him to get back to me, and he wouldn’t want me to wait anyway.Wow, this sounds serious.Yes, well, let’s just say that there’s something bad brewing and it’s coming from a couple of directions, so, um, let’s see, ah, okay, can you put me through to our man in London?Sorry T, can’t do that. There’s been nobody there for over a month. That Dubai thing.Right. Nobody?Nobody.When’s the new guy coming in?Not for a while I think.Okay, bummer, um, can you connect me then to our man in Ireland?Sorry, same story.Oh dear. What about our man in Poland? Can I talk to him?Well we have a man there now but he’s not in a position to take your call right now. He’s already used his one phone call.Our man in Germany?We tried that a few days ago but ever since our man in Poland got into trouble, our man in Germany hasn’t been answering his phone so much.Actually it goes straight to his voice mail.This is crazy. Listen, let’s try from the other direction. This thing’s also coming from the east, so, put me through to our man in Australia.You’re amusing me, T. Really funny. Australia kicked our man right after the Brits did; they’re all anti-Semites.New Zealand?Nothing doing. We haven’t been able to get anyone on the phone there since our last two men got into that broch with the guy in the wheelchair.What about our man in Turkey? He’s still there, right?Wait, I’ll check.Ring ring.Alo? Hi, this is Y from the Mossad...Click.Hello?T?Yes. Listen, I don’t know what’s going on with our man in Turkey. I don’t think he wants to talk.Listen, Y, this is getting absurd; you have to find me someone to talk to. There’s something bad coming our way, it’s being put together by dozens of nasty people in dozens of countries and we really need to stop it before it gets here.What do you want from me? I’m just the switchboard operator.Sorry, Y, I’m just stressing out here a bit. Didn’t mean to take it out on you. Um, is there anyone in America we can talk to?No, we don’t do that kind of thing there anymore, remember? Canada? Nope.Okay, you know what? I don’t have the strength for this anymore. Let the others deal with this. Patch me through to Shin Bet HQ, I’ll talk to the chief.You know I spoke to someone there yesterday and she said that they’re just in the middle of changing the chief now too, and nobody knows who the new chief is going to be yet. The one they thought was going to be the new chief had that thing, you know, with that woman, so now it’s really difficult to get anyone to talk on the phone. Nobody’s talking to anybody there. A real salad. Anyway, the old chief’s really paranoid now, only talks to people face to face, nothing that can be traced.Okay, whatever, put me through to Military Intelligence, let the army handle it. Somebody sold something nasty to someone else and maybe there’s a transmission they can intercept to show us where that nasty stuff is now.Um, problem here too, T, the MI chief’s also retiring and the new guy, well, there isn’t a new guy, and nobody really knows who it’s going to be yet. The competition there’s really cut-throat, their switchboard numbers are all coded, and go figure that one out.Okay, listen, put me through to Dan Meridor, he’s in charge of intelligence cooperation. He’s got to know how to get through to someone.Meridor’s not listed here on my switchboard. Do you have a number for him? Or maybe we can call 144.T? T, are you there?
amirm@jpost.com
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