At a press conference Wednesday, US Secretary of State Hilary Clinton threw up her hands and declared “Haha, that’s it! You guys were right all along, no one should ever take me seriously, and I promise to never do it again.”
 
The former first lady finally truckled to calls to acknowledge her absurdness after her ridiculously asinine response to a Hamas official’s claim to “that Hamas would never recognize Israel and the rule of Poles and Ethiopians in their land,” while another, “denounced the killing of Bin Laden and called him ''an Arab holy warrior and martyr.''” Clinton responded that “We are going to be carefully assessing what this actually means, because there are a number of different potential meanings to it, both on paper and in practice.” She assured the public Wednesday that she has since had “a number of hardy laughs over my baseless drivel.”

After a reporter pointed out that her defense of Hamas differed vastly from her initial reaction to the dastardly Fatah-Hamas Unity Agreement, Clinton replied, “I know! That’s what makes me so absurd!” Clinton than went on to name a litany of recent statements she tried to slip past the general public including her assertion that she was not faking shock in a staged White House photo alleged to have been taken during the Bin Laden raid, but was merely “preventing one of my early spring allergic coughs.” Clinton joked about the fib Wednesday asking reporters, “and I suppose you really believed Barak was just experiencing his standard early morning constipation at the time as well! Wow, we really mailed it in on that cover-up, we must really be missing Rahm!”

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While many initially saw Clinton’s candid admissions as an attempt to be removed from her post at the State Department in order to run against Obama in the upcoming Democratic primary elections, Clinton has vehemently denied these claims. “The only fall out I hope the acceptance of my preposterousness causes,” Clinton unabashedly insisted, “is that it generate more hits for my new blog, pantsuit-puns.blogspot.com. I entered a post on my rebuking of Bibi last year in a “Funniest post of 2011” blog contest, so please check it out, I really want to win that IPad 2.”

After President Obama’s leaked Middle East speech, which included what was thought to be the tired old call for Israel to return to its ’67 borders , was exposed as actually referring to a new idea, calling on Israel to retreat to 1867 borders, when Israel was last run by an Arab empire before they drove it into desolation, similar calls to renounce his seriousness have surfaced. Although the President has made it unequivocally clear that he has no intentions of joining Clinton as a self-admitted international laughingstock (apparently denial isn’t just a river in Egypt where America abandoned its ally without even knowing what rebel organization it was recklessly supporting), Vice President Joe Biden eloquently and succinctly told Hillary, “welcome to the club.”


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