After what has been a whirlwind week for aspiring legitimate government and current mass-murdering terrorist organization, Hamas, who tied the knot with the Palestinian Authority earlier this week after years of courtship and enough gut wrenching will-he/won’t-he drama to fill an entire Thursday night on NBC, more chaos appears to be on their horizon. Wednesday morning Hamas confirmed a report from Al Jazeera Television alleging that the new couple had initially met on the popular Jewish dating site, JDate.com.

The report was initially refuted by PA President Mahmoud Abbas, who frantically insisted that at the time the report accuses the new sweethearts of swapping profiles “we most certainly were restricting internet access to our people.” It was later revealed that while the PA had been depriving its people of internet capabilities, the President had his own private DSL connection installed in his living room so that he and his wife could stream their favorite television show, Desperate Housewives. When challenged on this, Abbas ferociously fired back, “Who doesn’t love Teri Hatcher? The woman was Lois Lane for G-d sakes!”

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Hamas leader Khaled Meshaal explained on Wednesday that a major impetus for the new pact was the hope that seeing Hamas publicly happy with its new partner would finally demoralize the terror group’s long-time anonymous stalker. The stalker has been sending love letters and poems to Hamas for a number of years, and despite all the deplorable things Hamas has engaged in to repel the sick infatuate, the stalker has only grown more adamant in his lust. Israel intelligence exposed the identity of the Hamas lover in the shadows Thursday as none other than UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon.

While many in the Arab world have been put off by the fact that their Arab "Brangelina" (please vote for your preference in the comments section: Hamastinian Authority, Palmas, or send in your own ) was originally conceived on a Jewish dating site, many of the pact’s early foreign supporters have stayed the course, including former United States President Jimmy Carter. Carter has even gone so far as to issue a statement saying “I am sure that the Arabs probably owned JDate first at some point and the Jews took it from them. That being said, Team Carter is somewhat saddened by losing out to the PA, and would thus like to put out a formal inquiry as to what Hezbollah’s deal is these days, and if anyone might have their digits.”

When the two Palestinian organizations were asked what exactly on JDate had drawn them together, they both attributed it to having similar passages throughout their dating profiles. When asked to explain one of these passages, “Let’s go make peace with Israel”, both sides refused to answer, stating frankly “it’s an inside joke.”



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