In an effort to stave off any further criticism since a hidden camera exposed one of its top officials making radically anti-Semitic comments, National Public Radio has decided to embrace its new “bigot” image, hiring a DJ affiliated with the Gaza Strip terror organization Hamas, DJ G Had.

NPR announced DJ G Had has been given a nation-wide three hour time slot, coined “Murder in the Mornings” (MITM). Originally, NPR had planned to schedule MITM’s final hour for love advice, but eventually abandoned the idea after being told by famous radio love doctor, Dr. Drew Pinsky, that “even I couldn’t give advice to someone who’s got to put up with 72 women at once.”

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In what appeared to be an early glitch for the new DJ, many listeners called into NPR headquarters Sunday to report ten minutes of complete silence during the first hour of MITM. NPR reassured its listeners, releasing a statement saying “the radio silence heard during DJ G Had’s first hour Sunday was not a glitch. It was NPR coverage of the ‘attack’ that ‘occurred’ in Itamar, Israel Friday night.” When asked by reporters how they could so blatantly ignore the slaughter of innocent men, women, and children, NPR spokesman Davis Rehm told reporters “we are simply trying to keep up with the competition. If we don’t meet this atrocity with utter silence and the usage of insinuating quotation marks on true facts how can we ever hope to become a superpower like CNN or BBC?”

While the new plan has been met with a large quantity of skepticism, some have pointed out this could be the perfect forum for President Obama to address his views on the ongoing turmoil in the Middle East. However, NPR announced that it was “unable to procure an interview with President Obama on the Middle East chaos. He has a prior engagement on ESPN Radio to discuss his NCAA March Madness bracket selections and the President never breaks his promises.”

With early rating only mediocre, DJ G Had announced live Monday that the fist caller to correctly call in during the “Name that Muezzin Wail” segment of the show will win an all-expenses-paid trip aboard a Gaza-bound flotilla. After receiving a number of complaints over the fine print of the contest, NPR has announced that it will rescind its original “BYOB-Bring Your Own Bomb” policy. DJ G Had apologized to listeners yesterday saying “I am very sorry for leading you to believe we would be supplying the bombs. In the hopes of gaining your forgiveness, NPR has decided that they will reimburse you for anything you bring aboard that can cause a two block radius worth of damage or larger. After all, NPR is funded by the tax payers anyhow, so it’s our pleasure!”


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