Stuck in the bathroom without toilet paper? Then US Secretary of State John Kerry has the solution for you, “porcu-shine,” declares a satirical video released Sunday that is part of a new settler campaign against US proposals for a twostate solution.
The video, “John Kerry Solutions Ltd.,” which can be found on YouTube, is also posted on a new satirical web site in Hebrew that was created by the Council of Jewish Communities of Judea and Samaria, MyIsrael and the Binyamin Regional Council.
Earlier in the day, Foreign Minister Avigdor Liberman lauded Kerry’s efforts for a two-state solution. But the council warned in its campaign, which was a month-and-a-half in the making, that Kerry’s solutions and the deal he was attempting to arrive at by April with the Palestinians and Israelis was dangerous for the state.
In the video, Kerry offers a man a series of solutions that are not helpful, which transform him from an office worker to someone begging on the street.
At the start of the video, a tall actor meant to resemble Kerry, wearing a suit and speaking Hebrew in an American accent, stands by a bathroom stall, while a man inside discovers he is out of toilet paper.
To help him, Kerry, wearing gloves, holds up a porcupine.
He tells the man, “We have a solution for you: Porcu-shine. Provides you with a thorough and refreshing cleaning.”
Then he advises, “Wipe, don’t gripe.”
Next, when the man seems to be in pain as he walks, Kerry again has a solution: “a tutu skirt.”
“With a tutu skirt you’ll be able to move freely around the office while cool air streams are refreshing your conflict zones. Prevents distress with a dress.”
After colleagues are seen laughing at the man who walks into a business meeting with the tutu skirt, Kerry asks, “Are your workmates mocking you?” He advises, “We have a solution for you. A resignation letter eloquently articulated on chrome paper, with passion fruit and mango scent.”
Then he adds, “No one can mock you if you’re not here, right?” When the man is now sitting on the sidewalk in distress, Kerry acknowledges, “We do not have good solutions, but we have to do something, right?” Then he offers the man cash, or as he puts it in the video, “some American assistance.” Then he puts his hands in his pockets and saunters off to lunch.
Posted on the web site are two animated videos.
The first offers multiple examples dating back to 1947 in which Israel rebuffed American pressure when it went against its interests.
The second animated video gives examples of failed US policy in the Middle East.
“John Kerry’s policies have failed in Syria and Iran and it is going to fail here as well,” said Yigal Delmonti of the Council of Jewish Communities of Judea and Samaria.
The council said, “Our deep friendship with the US does not obligate us to cave under pressure and to accept solutions that would endanger the state of Israel.”