Inside Manuela

Illustrating one woman’s challenging journey to pregnancy.

By PAMELA PELED
Updated: MARCH 29, 2016 19:32
Madonna-without-a-child: ‘The Edge.’ (photo credit: MANUELA PROCACCIA)
Madonna-without-a-child: ‘The Edge.’
(photo credit: MANUELA PROCACCIA)
"At the age of 37, she realized she’d never ride to Paris in a sports car, with the warm wind in her hair,” is the haunting chorus to “The Ballad of Lucy Jordan.”
Marianne Faithfull belts out the disorienting portrait of a woman disintegrating to the hypnotic beat of a bestselling hit record. The only connection between this and Manuela Procaccia is that the Italian scriptwriter starts her narrative like this: “At the age of 39, I decided to change my life.” There all resemblance to the song ends. Procaccia, vivacious, attractive and super-satisfied with the changes in her life, has never been happier.
“At 39 I was living in Rome,” she explains, “and mostly everything was wonderful.”
With a fulfilling career writing scripts for TV and movies, a warm and supportive family back home in Milan, life seemed good.
“But I wanted roots of my own,” explains Procaccia, meaning a soulmate and children of her own. She decided that a change of scenery/ change of fate was called for.
But Rome is a hard act to follow; she was determined to only go “up” in her choice of city that she called home. Tel Aviv seemed the only logical answer.
And, indeed, once comfortably ensconced in the city that never sleeps, things only seemed to get better and better.
With a job that was easily transportable to her new coastal home, and an introduction to one of the most eligible bachelors on the circuit, Procaccia was soon happily involved with the amore of her life. Already over 40, she and her Ariel, a handsome American banker, decided to immediately try for a child.
That’s where things got challenging.
At 40, the chances of getting pregnant naturally are low – about 20 percent. This falls to 5% by 45. Procaccia quickly decided to seek intervention.
Even IVF is trickier after 40; estimates range between a 10% and 20% success rate for women in their early forties, dropping each year.
The stages of IVF follow the cycle of the moon: two weeks to prepare the body, insemination, two weeks to wait for the result. Procaccia dived into the treatment, amazed and grateful at how easy it is to be eligible for it in Israel.
“Modernity and science meet tradition here,” she proclaims. “The doctors are great, with cutting-edge expertise. Many of the technicians are ultra-Orthodox.”
IVF is basically free in Israel and women up to the age of 45 are eligible. In a year, Procaccia underwent six cycles of IVF. Four failed; one took and ended in miscarriage; the sixth resulted in a most precious pregnancy.
It is pretty brutal stuff stocking up on hormones, harvesting eggs for fertilization, undergoing the insemination and waiting, waiting, waiting.
In the middle of one cycle, Procaccia curled up on the couch and doodled on her iPad – using a program called Art Set.
What began as art therapy blossomed and grew: the pictures poured out of her.
The protagonist of the documented journey in her search to have a baby is the “Ani She-be-ani” – “The Me within Myself.” This serene, sometimes seductive, sometimes sad, sometimes pensive, always pretty Madonna-without- a-child shines through the series of paintings which are today on show at the Shuki Kook Studio in Tel Aviv.
“Ani” sometimes gazes lingeringly at a luminous moon rising over a red planet or optimistically steps through an open door.
She resignedly lets go of a round balloon after her miscarriage, forlornly watching as it drifts away from her into the heavens.
Painted by her alter ego’s untrained finger in red, white, blue and black with tan skin tones floating in and out, the woman weaves through the conflicting emotions of trying to conceive life. It’s powerful.
In one painting the young woman stands balancing precariously on a tightrope, her life in total uncertainty, yet anchored and centered in the surety that she is on track. Fish, symbolizing fertility, stream through some paintings; the black-haired, violet-eyed beauty lives the pain, and the hope, and the happiness.
The exhibition was born by chance: Procaccia brought some of her work to the gallery to have it reproduced in 3D on the only machine of its kind in Israel, according to Shuki Kook, the photographer-artist owner.
“I saw these pictures and immediately I knew they had to be on show,” he explains.
“They are so beautiful, and so moving, and can help so many people to be in touch with their own emotions.”
The exhibition will run until after Passover, with five prints of each painting on sale for NIS 850 each.
Hopefully, by next Passover there will be a whole new exhibition: the Me within Myself discovering the white nights and wonder of being a firsttime parent. 
Shuki Kook Studio, 11 Ruhama Street, Tel Aviv-Jaffa. www.kook.co.il