This is the concession speech that Donald Trump might give on US election night 11 days from now, if he can restrain himself just a bit.
“Hey America, tonight is HUGE victory for me, and for us, because 45 percent of the people in this great country voted for me, and not for that nasty woman.
“I probably got even more of the vote; perhaps 55 percent! But the system was rigged against me; the liberal media will cover this up; and the liberal courts won’t overturn the result – so America is going to get another four more years of Barack Hussein Obama; I mean four years of his enabler, Corrupt Hillary.
“Too bad. I would have been a much better president, and made America truly great again.
“But have no fear. America is a great country, and it will survive Hillary. So I’m not going to make a huge deal about this crooked result, nor should any of my many supporters take to the streets in protest.
“We have a better strategy: We’re going to dog Hillary every step of her way. We’re going to watch her every move like a hawk. And we’re going to block every move to the Left she tries to make.
“I swear by the palms of my very hands – look, I truly have such excellent big hands – that Hillary isn’t going to get away with a rehash of Obama’s extremist agenda.
“President Obama specialized in conciliatory overtures to America’s adversaries, especially Iran and China; in humbling America; and in letting into this country too many terrorists. He wouldn’t even call Islamic terrorism by its proper name. He left our sense of national purpose in shambles; our national security at risk; and our credibility at zero.
“Moreover, he was aided and abetted by obsequious media that never asked any hard questions; never doubted the progressive and defeatist narrative that it was spoon-fed by the Obama echo-chamber masters.
“If Hillary wants to lead this country, she is going to have to turn all that around. I don’t see how; I don’t see that she has the will or stamina for this – so we have to keep on her toes.
“I call on Congress to back Hillary when she does the right things, and to rip her agenda to shreds if she tries to legislate the wrong things.
“Congress should support the toughening of immigration and crime laws, as I proposed and Hillary reluctantly admitted was necessary in one of our debates. Congress should allocate enormous funds for the rebuilding of our military; even Hillary knows this is necessary. Congress should cut taxes even for successful Americans; after all, Hillary’s Hollywood and fat-cat donors expect no less.
“However, if Hillary brings to Congress proposals to further let in illegal Mexicans and Muslims, to further eviscerate our military, or further raise taxes – well then, believe me, there will be hell to pay.
“You see, my people aren’t just going to fade into the twilight. My people are a movement, not a “basket of deplorables!” We will remain vigilant.
“I call on president-elect Clinton to remain vigilant, too. She must rip-up the nuclear accord with Iran the very next time the Iranians provoke us. In the meantime, she must hold them to every tiny provision in that evil accord. Never blink in the face of barbarians!
“As for all the other radical Islamic groups waging war on America and its allies, Hillary should call a spade a spade; call it Islamic terrorism and act accordingly. Don’t try to wish-away the threats with fancy verbal acrobatics, as did Obama and John Kerry. Don’t wait for the next big terrorist attack to hit America. Fight them preemptively, and you’ll have the support of all Americans.
“And don’t forget about building that border wall of mine. Sooner or later, you are going to have to get around to doing this, just as they’re now doing in southeastern Europe and in Israel.
“Hillary should now come clean about her bad emails, fuzzy health, and dirty foundation dealings with foreign and corporate donors. We need to know what she’s done in the past very clearly – Congress should formally investigate this – and ensure that there is no more classic Clinton monkey business in the White House again.
“No more lying, no more obfuscation, no more cutting of private deals at the American people’s expense. And don’t try to subvert the core values of this great country by appointing radical justices to the Supreme Court. Make some patriotic appointments, not appointments that will make Bernie Sanders cackle with joy in his communist old-age home.
“You know, this has been a noxious campaign. And that’s because the establishment of both major parties has sought to usurp the will of the people; to ignore the disgust of so many Americans with Washington backroom-dealing and political gridlock.
“I harnessed the righteous anger of many Americans. Everybody should be thanking me for that.
“You know, they say that my entire candidacy was flawed from the start. That my temperament didn’t suit the highest office in this land. That’s nuts. The opposite is true: America would have been lucky to have my ego leading this country back to an exceptional place in the world. Your loss, not mine, America!
“And by the way, goodbye to the Republican Party. You didn’t deserve me or support me, and I no longer need you. I’ll now lead my own party.
“I suspect that Hillary will try to get me out of sight and out of the country by appointing me ambassador to Afghanistan. But believe me, I am not going away. I am going to sit in my huge and beautiful Trump Hotel on Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington DC, just a few feet from the White House, and keep tabs on Crooked Hillary. My new hotel is a lot nicer than that old office building which Obama ran down anyway, believe me.
“It’s true that during the campaign I slipped a little here and there, making remarks about women, blacks, gays and immigrants that were out of line, and I already have apologized for this. I also have been unnecessarily apocalyptic and threatening. In the spirit of civic-mindedness, I apologize again. Heck, it’s not my wont or my religion, but perhaps I need to do Jewish-style teshuva, repentance.
“Nobody admires women and immigrants more than me; and I may marry a few more of them just to prove my point.
“Ask not, Hillary, what this country can do for you and for your husband and for your foundation and for your union masters or for your investment banking friends! Ask, Mrs. President-Elect, what you can do for this country. Otherwise, I’ll be there to snatch it from you.”