Many articles and essays are being published in the aftermath of last week’s “Christ at the Checkpoint” in Bethlehem. All of them are well worth your time. Best of all, of course, are blow-by-blow tweets of the conference by yours truly.
During the final session, just as Purim began, Jack Sara, president of Bethlehem Bible College, announced a fourth conference, including its own hashtag, #CATC2016. Everybody there gave a hearty cheer. Well, almost everybody. I was busy tweeting.
Clearly, CATC2014 had no trouble selling its, hmm, rhetoric, to a non-Jewish audience of Christian clergy, Christian pastors, Christian students, Christian publishers, Christian authors, Christian Jews, Christian reporters. Lots of Christians. (Yes, me too.) Oh, and an Islamic spokesman for the Palestinian Authority’s foreign minister who kicked off the conference right after everyone stood to sing the Palestinian National Anthem.
The obvious problem, of course, is that there were no Jewish Jews on the roster. This was puzzling in light of proud and repeated claims by leaders that the conference included all points of view with respect to “the Palestine-Israel conflict.” Certain that organizers of #CATC2016 want nothing more than to correct this shortcoming, here are 10 easy steps for getting a whole boatload of Jews to come: 1. Hold the conference in a swastika-themed hotel. The Jacir Palace, a.k.a. the Intercontinental, was built in 1910 and decorated then with swastikas. The Palestinian Authority refurbished the property in 2000 but some overlooked the need to remove said symbols used by the Nazis.
Probably because of Bethlehem’s rich Hindu heritage. Anyway, this is the perfect venue to persuade Jews to attend your conference! 2. Get the Right Reverend Doctor Stephen Sizer to help plan the conference.
Awarded his PhD in 2004 for dissertation-now-book, Christian Zionism – Roadmap to Armageddon?, today he is a respected writer for Friends of Al-Aqsa News and regular guest on Press TV and the Islamic Republic of Iran Broadcasting. The Ayatollah Khomeini’s daughter is so impressed, she is sponsoring translation of his Christian Zionism Armageddon book into Farsi. Whatever it takes, put this guy on your planning- purpose-mission committee! 3. Get a speaker who thinks God protected Hitler against assassination.
Like CATC2012 presenter Shane Claibourne, who thinks “the cross lost” when Christian pastor Dietrich Bonhoeffer tried to assassinate Adolf Hitler, who was “very interestingly protected” from death. Jews will definitely sit through a lecture about what you are not allowed to do to stop Jewish genocide. An excellent choice for CATC2014! 4. Repeatedly deny that Palestinians had anything to do with Nazism or the Holocaust. Like Alex Awad did at CATC2014. After all, nobody will remember Adolph’s buddy, Haj Amin al-Husseini, Palestinian nationalist and grand mufti of Jerusalem.
5. Get a German theologian to call Jews “dummkopfs” as Manfred Kohl did in his distinctive accent at CATC2012.
6. Recruit a Hamas-loving speaker to call for a “Christian jihad.” Like CATC2010 speaker Brother Andrew, who went on record asserting that violent jihadists have “every right” to attack the West.
7. Deny a Jewish terror survivor the chance to speak. Meet Kay Wilson, stabbed 13 times by a Palestinian terrorist. CATC2012 turned her away because “it’s not what the Lord wants.” Perfectly understandable. After all, who wants to hear about Jews who suffer and in spite of it stubbornly choose life? Boring, boring, boring.
8. Explain that Christians are drawn to replacement theology because of the Jews’ evil deeds. Jews love feedback. Why not? Jews tend to take feedback well. Why not patronize them by asserting that anti-Semitism is somehow understandable given the evildoing Jews collectively do? Better yet, make sure the one who says this is an Israeli Jewish Christian.
9. Make sure Jews know that any dissenting Jews, especially critical blogger-tweeters, are practicing Satanic acts.
10. Or maybe they are pigs banished to hell! As everybody’s favorite vicar, the Right Reverend Doctor Stephen Sizer, judged Israeli Ron Cantor.
So, Jews, Bethlehem Bible College is already preparing #CATC2016 to make you feel as welcome as possible. C’mon down! (Note: I have written this with permission from and an ode to the original “10 Easy Steps” essay published by the rogues at RoshPinaProject.com.
The author is a freelance journalist and social media consultant. He currently lives in Jerusalem.
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