Since October 7, Israelis have suffered some of the highest rates of trauma in the world. In fact, researchers at several universities conclude that millions of Jews around the world have been shaken emotionally along with them. At times like this, faith in God may sustain many of us, while others may question where God was when they needed help. Survey evidence tells us that Jews have four very different ideas of who God is and his role in catastrophic events.
Interestingly, these different perceptions of God tell us a lot about how we raise our children.
Historically, Jews have responded to trauma by saying that God was punishing them for their sins. That idea pervades Genesis and, later in the Bible, it is the reason that both King David and King Solomon suffer. It animates the words of the prophets.
The Talmud explains why the First and Second Temples were destroyed. In this view, the expulsion from Spain in 1492 and many other disasters that befell the Jews were also punishments sent by God. In my new book, God and the First Families, I call this the “Authoritarian God.” This figure is active in the world, judging us, rewarding and punishing us. Today, about one-third of American Jews describe God that way.
But the largest segment of American Jews today believes in a God who is not active in the world and plays no role at times of trauma. In this view, God is a higher power or spiritual force who isn’t involved in human affairs and doesn’t answer prayers.
Interestingly, a much larger percentage of Jews believe in this “Distant God” than the American population as a whole does. Fewer than one in four Americans describe God that way, but, according to a 2020 study by the Pew Center, 40-50% of American Jews do.
The pogroms of the 19th century gave impetus to this view of God. As we see in the work of Jewish writers, Jews became less inclined to attribute disasters to a wrathful God. The poet Haim Nahman Bialik presented God as absent, deaf, and powerless.
Rather than depending on miracles to deliver the Jewish communities that were under attack, he called on Jews to organize armed self-defense units in the Russian Empire, and, later, the Hagana in Palestine. He is now widely considered the national poet of Israel.
Many Jews found it unpalatable to believe that the Holocaust was divine punishment. Elie Wiesel captured that perspective in his 1977 play, The Trial of God. Wiesel set the play in 1649, but it is based on an event he reported having witnessed for himself as a boy in the Auschwitz concentration camp.
One night in the camp, Wiesel said, three learned rabbis put God on trial for allowing unspeakable evil in the world. They found God guilty. Wiesel revealed later that in their verdict, instead of “guilty,” the rabbis used the word hayav, meaning “He owes us something.” Then they went to pray. For them, God had withdrawn from human events. Many Jews today would say the same.
Biblical parenting today
People who believe God is authoritarian are often authoritarian parents. They have strict rules, often without explanations, and they value obedience and submission to authority. Many religiously and socially conservative parents cite the book of Proverbs, which urges parents to use discipline and tough love, including physical punishment, to instill wisdom and respect in children.
Israel has banned corporal punishment, but many ultra-Orthodox parents use it, within specific guidelines, citing biblical warrant. In America, evangelical parents are the most ardent advocates of the authoritarian approach to child-rearing.
These parents model faith in a God who punishes and rewards us according to our behavior. This clearly can be terrifying, but it presents a morally ordered and explicable universe, which can be comforting during traumatic times. It also offers the hope that if we change our ways, we will earn God’s blessing. Recent studies also show that parenting in a way that people believe is ordained by God leads to greater happiness.
Parents who believe in a Distant God are at the other extreme. They are generally the most politically and socially liberal members of any religious group, other than atheists. And they are far less likely than authoritarian parents to spank or use other physical discipline.
These parents believe in human causation and responsibility. That, too, can be terrifying, since it doesn’t look to God for salvation. And it reduces the satisfaction people feel when they raise their children in accordance with God’s wishes. But it also emphasizes the need for human decency and ethicality. In response to the question “Where was God?” people in this camp are more likely to ask, “Where was man?”
The examination of the connection between our perceptions of God and our own parenting has not been given enough attention. Fortunately, with increased interest in spirituality, personal growth, and studies in trauma and resilience, we are uncovering fascinating parallels between these phenomena.
The writer is a professor emeritus of English at Stony Brook University. He is the author of nine books, including his latest, God and the First Families: Parenting, Trauma and Healing in the Book of Genesis, (JPS, 2026).