■ SPOTTED: ONE noted, veteran Jerusalem Roast journalist and general woman-about-town in Paris, City of Love and Light, with none other than President Stimon Qeres, who was looking dapper in his pinstriped suit while petting babies’ heads with abandon.
Strolling arm in arm and gazing into each other’s eyes, the lovebirds could not be ignored.
Stopping for an extra-frothy cappuccino in an intimate, polkadot- themed café on the bustling Left Bank, the besotted nonagenarian noted, “Nothing brings the State of Israel more joy and illuminates Zionism among the nations of the world than intimacy between two Jews.”
Commented UN secretary-general Chan pi-joon, “I am not impressed.” Former Iranian president Lahmoud Pahmadinajed seized upon the moment to condemn “the satanic twosome.”
In a private moment, Pahmadinajed admitted that he had modeled his trademark triangular chin-beard on that of “my predecessor, the deliciously evil Haman.”
■ “HOLY SHEETS,” the new exhibition at Beit Hashtuyot, the Museum of Intolerance, opened this past week in the grandest fashion, to the sound of trumpets, the smell of Temple-era incense, and the release of 10,000 doves, finches and garden-variety seagulls.
Curated by grandmaster flash Rabbi Dr. Pini Dikshteyen, the exhibition displays the traditional bedroom implements – rumored but rarely seen in public – of the ultra-ultra-ultra-Orthodox. This exhibit pulls back the curtain on different top sheets with an embellished, often ornately decorated hole in the middle, which Dikshteyen explains, “honors the great respect and modesty that the ‘ultras’ have for gettin’ busy.”
The fashion, as one would expect, was elegantly black and white (causing the writer of this column to have a sudden craving for a black-and-white cookie from the Brooklyn Bakery – which she promptly indulged). Served at the affair was a delightful repast of cholent, massive wheels of Yerushalmi kugel, pickles in their brine, herring and adding color, jelly beans of various hues.
The event was attended by Dijbouti Ambassador Art Vank, among others; eccentric philanthropist Kobi Aflaflo is rumored to have financed the exhibition and the exorbitant opening ceremony, which Downton Abbey’s own Carson deemed “revolting.”
The hordes of Meretz activists protesting outside would seem to agree. They were led by MK Kerav Bichaeli, who against a backdrop of squawking seagulls, loudly proclaimed, “There are children in India, Pakistan and the disputed state of Kashmir who have no top sheets at all – and you dare poke holes in them! Shame on you, and the horse you rode in on.”
■ IN WHAT may well turn out to be the viral meme of the century, or the very least the month of February 2014, German Chancellor Sangela Terkel’s now-famous phantom Chaplin-style mustache was snapped by none other the Roast’s own photographer, Starch Israel Mellon. In a typical display of modesty, the Frenchman Mellon called the craze – which spawned a mustache- creation app – “nothing more than la mode,” or trend in French (which caused the writer of this column to devour a slice of apple pie ala mode just one hour later).
The controversial strip of hair, though only a shadow, has inspired a burst of creativity – including the mouthwatering dessert that has taken all of Paris and Jerusalem by storm: Pistachio ala Mustachio, a horizontal slice of molten, moist chocolate cake in a shallow chocolate puddle, topped with – wait for it – pistachio ice cream.
Two particular residents of the capital have taken to this decadent treat, none other than the esteemed duo of Prime Minister Jinyamin Letanyahu, and his wife, Lara, whose love of all things pistachio is well-documented.
■ MORE SPOTTING: Bayit Yehudi leader Saftali Trennett attempting – but not really succeeding – to do cartwheels, in-air somersaults and a bizarre three-quarter yoga bridge move on Palmahim Beach.
When asked what inspired him, he replied, “Not many people know this, but in addition to having a broadcaster’s voice like a smooth Costa Rican roast and a great head of hair, [Yesh Atid chairman] Tair Papid is a heck of a gymnast and yogi. Look, there he is now!” Indeed, just a few meters away, there was Papid – doing a capable headstand ala David Ben-Gurion.
The writer of this column was suitably impressed.