In the wake of the Israel-Hamas War and as the conflict with Iran continues, families of regular soldiers and reservists in the IDF are facing unprecedented stress and uncertainty.
A new longitudinal study initiated in the aftermath of the outbreak of the war that began on October 7, 2023 tracked parents during the first seven months of the conflict and found that children’s behavior problems are significantly linked to parental burnout experienced by the at-home caregiver, regardless of whether a partner is deployed or still at home.
The study was published under the title “Associations over time between wartime deployment, parental burnout and child adjustment” in Psychiatry Research.
It was conducted by Dr. Mor Keleynikov and Prof. Dana Lassri from the School of Social Work of the Hebrew University of Jerusalem (HUJI), together with Prof. Noga Cohen and Dr. Joy Benatov from the University of Haifa’s special education department and Prof. Reuma Gadassi Polack from the Education Department of Bar-Ilan University (BIU) in Ramat Gan. The team revealed that the critical factor in child resilience isn’t just safety – it’s the prevention of parental burnout.
To understand these family dynamics, the research team conducted an analysis of the lives of 123 Israeli mothers over the first seven months of the Israel-Hamas War. They didn’t look only at a single snapshot in time; instead, they checked in with these mothers twice – at the very beginning of the war and half a year later. This allowed the team to see how stress evolved.
The mothers represented a cross-section of families, with 28% having partners who were deployed to active duty. To get an accurate picture of the children’s well-being, parents answered detailed questions about their child’s behavior, specifically looking for signs of aggression, anxiety, or physical complaints, including unexplained stomach aches.
Participants completed measures of parental burnout and child adjustment at two time points – one month and seven months after the outbreak of the war. Results indicated that at baseline, mothers whose partners were deployed reported significantly higher levels of parental burnout and child’s behavioral and emotional difficulties. Deployment was significantly associated with child difficulties only when parental burnout was high.
Military deployment 'acts like an amplifier,' researcher tells 'Post'
“We found that military deployment acts like an amplifier,” Lassri told The Jerusalem Post in an interview. “If the at-home parent is managing to stay emotionally present, children tend to show relatively adaptive functioning despite the broader context of stress. But when that parent hits a wall, feeling ‘burned out,’ emotionally distant, or completely exhausted by the relentless demands of wartime parenting, the child’s behavioral and emotional struggles tend to rise significantly.
During this stage of the war with Hamas terrorists in Gaza, some 100,000 reservists were parents of dependent children, leaving large numbers of families without a co-parent. Israel presents a unique context for studying the effects of deployment on families, the researcher said. Unlike in the US, where military service is voluntary and military personnel represent just about 1% of the population, reserve duty in Israel is mandatory for most citizens, and mobilization often occurs without prior preparation. As a result, families, particularly spouses of reservists, are less accustomed to long-term separations and the psychological toll associated with deployment.
“We studied mostly spouses of reservists, but also some of those married to soldiers in the regular army. Most of those who filled out the questionnaires were women; there were few men in our sample whose spouses were doing military service. We studied the psychological situation of those who remained at home. Six months into the conflict, children’s difficulties were linked less to spousal mobilization and more to the level of burnout experienced by the parent who remained at home.”
THE MOST surprising discovery was a shift in who felt the most drained. While mothers of deployed partners started the war with high levels of parental burnout, their burnout levels stayed relatively stable over time. Meanwhile, mothers whose partners were not deployed reported higher burnout levels as the war dragged on.
The researchers point to a possible reason – “targeted support.” While the government provided military families with childcare refunds and mental health resources, civilian families were often left to navigate the “new normal” of a nation at war without the same safety net.
The findings suggest that protecting children’s resilience during a large-scale conflict like the war with Iran requires bolstering the emotional resources and external support available to primary caregivers, so they can avoid the depletion that negatively impacts family well-being, they wrote.
If the mothers said they “did the best they could, that they learned from the situation, if they had the ability to regulate their child, and recognizing that everybody was suffering – it created less stress and was less unbearable. Social support and family ties are also very important,” Lassri added.
By comparing mothers with deployed partners to those whose partners stayed home, the researchers could isolate how the double threat of war and separation changes a family’s internal dynamics. During the months after October 7, the team asked youngsters what helps them cope. “They said they needed a framework, and we realized that if they can help others their age, they themselves benefit.”
She and her team are now returning to the same participants in the survey to see what their condition is now that Iranian and Lebanese missiles are disrupting normal life around the country. “Many Israelis feel frustrated that they don’t know when this will end. They lack sleep and patience. After the Home Front Command eased its restrictions and allowed some municipalities to begin reopening kindergartens and some elementary school classes, several cities have started trying to do so. It’s an incredibly difficult decision, and not one I would want to have to make, certainly not as a parent,” Lassri said.
“The takeaway for the mainstream public is clear – parenting in a crisis is a kind of endurance sport. When we are emotionally depleted, our ability to act as a buffer for our children diminishes. The study suggests that supporting a caregiver’s mental health is not a luxury; it is the most effective way to protect the next generation. Deployment of a spouse predicted child difficulties only when parental burnout was high. Thus, support for parental mental health in conflict zones is critically needed,” the team declared.
They urged the establishment of support programs to help parents regain their balance, ensuring they have the recovery capital to stay present for their children, even when the world outside is in turmoil. “Parents must continually balance the competing demands of caregiving, employment, and household management, often under considerable emotional and practical strain,” they wrote. “These challenges are influenced by multiple factors, including the child’s characteristics, parents’ psychological resources, the availability of childcare and social support, and the degree of partner involvement. Periods of heightened caregiving demands, such as those marked by crisis, uncertainty, or prolonged stress, can intensify these pressures, amplifying imbalance in well-being and heightening vulnerability to emotional exhaustion and burnout.”
Although the study focuses on Israeli families, the processes it addresses are broadly relevant across contexts in which parents experience prolonged separation due to military service or armed conflict – such as in Ukraine and among military families worldwide, they concluded.