I feel blessed in my life for the moms who get it. I’m glad for the ones I’ve met in real life and the ones I have come to know and love virtually.
It’s these moms — the ones who struggle day in and day out to provide their families with their version of “healthy” despite society’s constant roadblocks — that bring me back down off the angry ledge. It’s these fellow moms who struggle as hard as I do; who understand the often daily battles I fight with myself and my kids. The struggle between giving my kids what they want and giving them what I think they need. The struggle between saying yes and saying no. The struggle between choosing to fight a battle and choosing to lose it. The struggle between choosing easy and choosing hard.
I need such a support group desperately here, in my real life community, where I am forced to make choices all the time between what I know is right for my kids and what other moms let their kids get away with.
I’m feeling very, very “angry mom” lately.
Here, in the small community in Israel where I live, there is so much I love. But what I hate to my utter core is the makolet.
The makolet is basically a corner grocery store. The Israel equivalent of a NYC bodega. Internally, I like to call it “the kiddie crack house.” Sure, conceptually, it''s nice to know I can run up the hill for a carton of eggs or a package of baking powder, but 99% of the time, it’s the bane of my existence here and representative of something I really can’t stand about Israel: For as advanced as this country is, it is still very far behind in the healthy eating revolution, and in denial that feeding kids crap contributes to their physical and emotional well-being.
Every day on the yishuv, the average Israeli child walks out from his preschool and is taken by the hand to the makolet where the average Israeli parent buys his child the average Israeli after-school snack — namely a popsicle, a chocolate milk, a snack pack of peanut butter puffed corn, yogurt topped with candy or just plain candy.
It’s the Wellness Bitch’s (my alter blog ego) worst nightmare.
For over a year, I’ve tried to make peace with the makolet. My husband and I have tried various incentive plans to get our kids on board with the idea that we don’t feed them makolet crack every day. These are kids who, up until a year ago, were happy to get candy once a month at a birthday party, and whose daily sweet treats included an organic sandwich cookie or a beet-colored fruit roll up. Now, these kids can be seen walking once a week clutching a bag of "Kliks," slurping on sour gummy worms, or sucking down a spray bottle filled with the EU version of Red #40.
We’ve tried “Makolet Day,” one day a week when our kids get to pick something from the little store. But one “Makolet Day” a week suddenly turns into three when Saba comes to visit, or when the 3-year-old goes home with a different parent for a playdate and the two kids wind up sucking down “Shock-o,” the chocolate milk drink packaged in sports bottles mechanically engineered for preschoolers'' tiny mouths. "Makolet Day" becomes a way of life here when my kids are treated to a "krembo" by their teachers or tutors or soccer coaches for doing a job well done. "Makolet Day" in not just a day here when it''s piled upon birthday parties and holiday celebrations and kiddushim, for which the focal point is sugary, processed crap masquerading as food.
Yesterday, I lost it because my daughter walked out from preschool with a snack bag full of candy thanks to an in-school birthday party (which they seem to have twice a month here). I told her she could have the birthday candy or “Makolet Day,” not both. She agreed. She proceeded to eat a handful of m-n-m’s and then ran to the makolet to pick out her weekly treat. When I reminded her of our agreement, she had a meltdown. That melt-down turned into a kicking and screaming performance for all my friends and neighbors (Did I imagine the tongues clicking in compassion for my daughter?)
As I buckled her into her car seat, I screamed out loud in frustration to her and her two brothers, "That is it! No more makolet! I hate the makolet. I hate it so much I am going to come here in the middle of the night and spray graffiti all over the makolet! Do you hear me?? Graffiti!!!!"
Don''t you love days like that? When you are so angry, and yet so defeated, that graffiti is your best threat? (What would I even write? "F-off Makolet?" "Die, Makolet, Die?" And, really, how long would it take before they discovered the English expletives belonged to me?)
Don''t you love it when, in an effort to do right by your kids, you completely do wrong?
Don''t you love it when their meltdowns produce your meltdowns?
Somebody, please hand me a Krembo.
For years, I was luckier than I realized. I had a built-in community and support system in New Jersey. I lived in an educated, middle to upper middle class, health conscious neighborhood. I had a Whole Foods Market ten minutes to the West and one ten minutes to the East. I had a “Holistic Moms” network nearby, five yoga studios to choose from, a “green thumb” and a “wellness” committee at my kids’ schools.
For all that I gained when I moved to a small, country kibbutz in Israel, I lost that wellness-focused community.
And now I have two choices: I can stay angry or I can build…build community, that is.
I do both really, really well.
I simply need to choose now (as we all do post-meltdown) which choice serves me best.
I recently mentioned to the members of my bi-weekly woman''s “self development” group that I think it''s time I start speaking up -- getting "my leader on," so to speak. On the one hand, it''s been nice living in my bubble, the one in which I pretend like I don''t have much of an opinion and don''t have experience leading community efforts for change.
Inside this bubble, I''ve allowed "little Hebrew" to become synonymous for "little voice."
But the truth is, I have a voice. And it''s loud. And it''s lonely hiding here inside the bubble.