Monkeys in space

Animal rights groups criticize Iran’s choice of astronaut, suggest Ahmadinejad launch himself into the unknown. Happy Purim!

February 24, 2013 03:00
1 minute read.
Ahmadinejad ascends into a rocket about to launch into space

Ahmadinejad DO NOT REUSE. (photo credit: Moochers)


Dear Reader,
As you can imagine, more people are reading The Jerusalem Post than ever before. Nevertheless, traditional business models are no longer sustainable and high-quality publications, like ours, are being forced to look for new ways to keep going. Unlike many other news organizations, we have not put up a paywall. We want to keep our journalism open and accessible and be able to keep providing you with news and analysis from the frontlines of Israel, the Middle East and the Jewish World.

As one of our loyal readers, we ask you to be our partner.

For $5 a month you will receive access to the following:

  • A user experience almost completely free of ads
  • Access to our Premium Section
  • Content from the award-winning Jerusalem Report and our monthly magazine to learn Hebrew - Ivrit
  • A brand new ePaper featuring the daily newspaper as it appears in print in Israel

Help us grow and continue telling Israel’s story to the world.

Thank you,

Ronit Hasin-Hochman, CEO, Jerusalem Post Group
Yaakov Katz, Editor-in-Chief


THE JERUSALEM ROAST EXCLUSIVE: The Iranian space and nuclear weapons programs have hit opposition from a new, unexpected source. Animal rights activists around the world have united in the common cause to stop Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s regime launching any more primates into space.

“Clearly the Iranians don’t give a monkey’s butt for animal welfare,” said Mickey Katz, a spokeswoman for FETA (Fanatics for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). “It’s one thing when they threaten the ‘Zionist dogs’ all the time – without taking into consideration the feelings of canines anywhere in the world – and it’s another thing completely when they start launching primates into the atmosphere.”

Asked about the possibility that the photographs of the Iranian monkey turned astronaut were fake, Katz answered: “We noticed the signs of monkey business in the photos with a great deal of concern. It’s possible they are just aping the Americans and other capitalist pigs but we are worried that they did launch a monkey and it didn’t survive.

“Incidentally,” he added, “we’d like to remind people that making a wish on a dead monkey’s paw is dangerous. You should always be careful what you wish for.”

A member of another animal rights organization was also adamant that no good could come out of the Iranian space program.

“We cannot accept the abuse of primates and other animals in this manner,” said the member who asked to remain anonymous. “We think the only time this would be acceptable is if Ahmadinejad himself were launched into the great unknown, along with the gorillas who guard him.”

No response from the Iranians was available by press time.

Repeated phone calls were met with sounds like “Ah-ah-ah, oohooh- ooh.”

Happy Purim from The Jerusalem Post! 

Join Jerusalem Post Premium Plus now for just $5 and upgrade your experience with an ads-free website and exclusive content. Click here>>

Related Content

Bushehr nuclear Iranian
August 5, 2014
Iran and the bomb: The future of negotiations


Cookie Settings