Dating Games: 'Chemistry Quiz'

Use a "Chemistry Quiz" to help separate the men from the boys… or rather the potential loves from the obvious lusts.

January 26, 2010 18:08
4 minute read.


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Every time I met a man and felt some kind of chemistry I would start to think about our future. I would imagine phone conversations, plans, obstacles and holidays. And then each respective relationship would end before those opportunities ever came our way and I would be much more disappointed than I should have been. Why? Because I had created a much more serious relationship in my mind - even when I was the one who ended it!

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That's why I started using a "Chemistry Quiz" to help me separate the men from the boys… or rather the potential loves from the obvious lusts.

The first step is simple, and can be used immediately upon meeting someone - whether through J*Date, a friend or a random meeting. Did you get a tingly feeling in the pit of your stomach or not? Once you determine if that tingly feeling is there, you need to figure out what it means.

Which brings us to the second step. Are you just on a high from meeting someone new who shows an inkling of an interest in you, or do you feel an intangible connection and an ease which you've never felt before? This is a little more difficult because it entails digging deep emotionally and determining if you're simply overanxious or if opportunity has finally knocked on your door.

Now that you've narrowed down your options once again you're still not done. This is the point where you need to double check your gut reaction with the third step. Are you so desperate to meet someone that you're willing to settle, compromise on your future and overlook a laundry list of items you don't want in a mate? Or is the person sitting across from you your other half, the person you've been waiting for all your life, the person you can't imagine living without?

The third step sounds a lot easier than you think. Hindsight is 20/20, which means being able to spot the traits you don't want in a mate probably won't happen for quite some time after they've passed the second step. It can take months, even years, before you realize it's all wrong. Many people remain on their best behavior well into the relationship and it can take a momentous occasion to cause someone to expose their true self. There's a reason why intuition is not officially our sixth sense.

Even after someone seemingly passes these three steps, people often get sidetracked. Being in the early stages of a relationship means it's easy to overlook mistreatment or differences in lifestyle while you're swept up in the game of love. It's difficult to tell the difference between lust and love when you're in the middle of it, especially when someone has so many qualities you're looking for; and if there's chemistry to boot, it's hard to admit that you've been duped. It's not that the other person is intentionally conning you, rather you're blinded by love and can't see what you don't want to see. Or sometimes you do see it and still don't know what to do.

MY FRIEND Lara took me aside the other day to ask my advice about Bryan, her boyfriend of two years. Everyone keeps asking them when they're going to get engaged, but she has reservations. After two years she's still not sure he's the one because she feels like he doesn't give her the amount of attention she requires. She's told him a number of times, but nothing has changed.

I told her she has to decide if this one thing is a make or break issue. I also told her that it's never too soon to go to couples therapy if she wants to make it work with Bryan. Finally, I reassured her not to be afraid to end the relationship if she's positive he can't change… better now than after the wedding.

Be able to read your own vowels: What is your Aptitude for knowing when you're being conned? Are your Emotions getting the best of you? Is your Intuition tuned up? Are you Open to meeting anyone at anytime? Do you Understand what or who it is you want in a mate? And I'll even include the maybe vowel "Y" - are You your top priority?

Between steps and the vowels, the chemistry quiz will prepare you for knowing if you're truly in love or blinded by lust. Good luck!

A QUICK recap of the three steps and the vowels:

Step 1 - First impressions: Did you get a tingly feeling in the pit of you stomach or not?

Step 2 - Figure out what it means: Are you just on a high from meeting someone new or do you feel an intangible connection?

Step 3 - Double-check your gut reaction: Are you so desperate to meet someone that you're willing to settle or is the person sitting across from you your other half?

Vowels: Aptitude, Emotions, Intuition, Openness, Understand + You!

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