You can lead a camel to water, but you can’t make it drink. The same goes for
men. I can deliver a Perfect 10 Jewish goddess to a man’s doorstep – but I can’t
make him call her.
Such was the case with Danny.
Danny is a great
guy: Besides being really nice and having good morals, he’s also a successful
accountant who owns his own place, has a fantastic sense of humor and a nice
head of hair. His only drawbacks are his height – a whopping five foot two
inches – and his age, 39.
Neither makes him a lost cause, but a great guy
who is still single and approaching 40 makes me wonder.
All is not lost,
since there are more than enough single Jewish shorties out there over the age
True, some women may not mind a guy who is shorter than them or
more than 10 years older than them, but Danny is looking to settle down; and if
I was going to set him up, I needed to be realistic while also putting the odds
in his favor.
I consulted my database of single friends and found one in
particular who I thought was beyond perfect.
Marissa is tiny, barely five
feet, probably 100 pounds soaking wet, and in her early 30s. Besides having a
thriving career as a family therapist, she also has great hobbies that include
baking professional- style cakes for friends’ simhas. Her family is active in
the community and has a reputation for being super-duper nice.
like I had hit this one on the nose, I started facilitating the match.
told each of them about the other, and both sounded excited and receptive. I
told Marissa that Danny would call her, and she agreed to let me give him her
So Danny has Marissa’s number… but doesn’t use it. One, two,
three weeks go by, and nothing.
When I ran into Marissa and she asked
what was up, I didn’t have an excuse. She had been so excited by the prospect of
dating Danny that she had even told some of our mutual friends about it, so they
too were asking me what was going on – but I still didn’t have an
Danny had said he was interested, so why hadn’t he dialed
Marissa’s number? When I approached him about it, he again said he would call
her – and again failed to.
At this point, Marissa was done. She felt
rejected and had written Danny off as a loser.
I told Danny that since he
had screwed up, he needed to call Marissa, and keep calling her until she
answered and agreed to go out with him.
What did he do with my advice? He
texted her. I seriously could strangle him. Now I realize why he’s about to turn
40 and is as lonely as the last macaroon in the tin after Pessah.
was smart enough not to answer the text, and I advised her to disregard it and
give him a second (third?) chance after he had put in some effort.
told him to call her and leave a message, then wait two days and call her again.
We’ll see if that happens.
I don’t know who is more frustrated – Danny,
Marissa or myself.
I’ve now realized that the only person holding Danny
back from being in a successful relationship is Danny himself. If he calls
Marissa, I hope she will give him a chance after giving him crap for waiting so
long. But I’m not ever setting Danny up with another girl just to hurt her
feelings before he’s even met her.
I can’t force someone into a match,
but I would hope that if they came to me looking to be set up, then they would
actually act on it when I do so.
My friend Josh is no better. I send him
photo after photo of attractive, smart, nice, single, Jewish women, and one
after another he rejects them. I’ve learned the hard way not to tell the ladies
on whose behalf I was soliciting Josh because I’ve had to gently let down too
many of them after building Josh up.
Josh has high standards, but these
women meet those standards and I don’t know what his problem is. Now, instead of
allowing him to reject the women via me, I will simply continue to send him
eligible bachelorettes until one strikes his fancy. Hopefully, when that time
comes, he will actually call her and not drop the ball.
It doesn’t matter
what the situation is: whether it’s a set-up, JDate, or through any other
channel. If you’re single, you’re eventually going to get rejected by someone
you’ve never even met when they don’t call, for whatever reason.
unfortunate part of dating, but I don’t believe its one to be taken personally.
It’s their loss, right?