Comedians skewer Trump's Jerusalem speech

"I'm still pretty sure he couldn't recognize it on a map."

By AMY SPIRO
Updated: DECEMBER 8, 2017 00:08
US President Donald Trump delivers remarks recognizing Jerusalem as the capital of Israel (photo credit: JONATHAN ERNST / REUTERS)
US President Donald Trump delivers remarks recognizing Jerusalem as the capital of Israel
(photo credit: JONATHAN ERNST / REUTERS)
The Temple Mount, said US comedian Stephen Colbert on his late night talk show Wednesday night, is a little bit like President Donald Trump.
They both, he said, “have a golden dome and spark holy wars.”
As Jerusalem rejoiced and many Western countries wrung their hands, America’s late night comedians did what they do best: mocked.
“He recognized it in a speech,” Colbert said of Trump and Jerusalem, “but I’m still pretty sure he couldn’t recognize it on a map.”
The host of CBS’s The Late Show added that the city is so disputed that “they even had to draw a line down the middle of the six-piece McNuggets at the Jerusalem McDonald’s. They’re still fighting over the Gaza chicken strip.”
Colbert added that in response to Trump’s declaration, “Palestinians have declared three days of rage – after that they’ll go back to their normal weeks of seething.”
The comedian then brought back a character he has regularly on the show: a cartoon God caricature displayed on the dome of the studio. Colbert asked God if this declaration would hasten the return of Jesus, like some Evangelicals have said.
“Are you crazy?! I’m not gonna send my son into that tinderbox,” God replied. “It didn’t go so well last time.”
Trevor Noah, host of The Daily Show, noted that many Arab countries have decried the plan and are unhappy with the president.
“Donald Trump just blew up the Middle East so hard that ISIS is gonna take
credit for it,” he said. Noah then said the decision to move the US Embassy to Jerusalem “is like getting an apartment in your ex-girlfriend’s building. It’s not technically illegal – but you’re trying to start some shit, that’s what you’re doing.”
Noah then wondered if perhaps Trump’s plan could work after all.
“Think about it, for decades there’s been no progress at all, and then Trump blunders in and does the one thing everyone agrees would be a huge mistake, so now everyone’s freaking out and they’re probably looking at each other, and looking at him like he’s crazy, and everyone in the Middle East is like you know what, we’re not so different after all, let’s talk about it, this guy’s crazy, yes? We’ll work together, let’s work together.”
Over on Late Night with Seth Meyers, the host joked that after Trump’s plan to relocate the embassy, “Melania has developed a plan to relocate herself from DC back to New York.”
Most comics, however, focused on Trump’s odd slurring at the end of his speech, in particular on the words “United States.” Many have speculated that the president may have tooth issues, or even secret dentures.
“I knew he had a screw loose, we didn’t know he had a tooth loose,” said James Corden, host of The Late Late Show.
Meyers added: “I can’t believe both our first and our last president had fake teeth – or, as Trump calls dentures, fake chews.”
Actor Neil Patrick Harris was guest hosting on Jimmy Kimmel Live, and played the video twice – once with it slowed down to simulate Trump speaking drunkenly.
“Take it easy on the Manischewitz, Donny,” said Patrick Harris.
Noah also wondered exactly what was going on: “Fake teeth, fake hair, fake tan, like there’s no part of his body that’s real at this point.”