My Life as a Thumbnail


I have been perusing internet dating sites for so long that my field of vision is limited to 1.5 inches square. Don''t ask me what someone looks like if I haven''t seen them in a thumbnail picture. I just won''t know. 

I expect everything in life to be accompanied by an "add to favorites button". (And you thought "Like" was an original idea...)

I have learned that a 50 year old guy who posts a picture from his 30s probably looks 60.

I have learned that a 52 year old guy who explicitly states that he is looking for women aged 30 to 34 is not going to make an exception in my case. As utterly ridiculous as I may find his preference, I have learned that telling him so is not going to endear me to him.

I have learned that the more a guy writes about himself, the more recent his separation. Not only is he not yet fed up with this whole medium and thinks that anyone has patience to read all the text, but he is grateful to find a platform to expound his new-found philosophies about women and relationships. 

I have learned that my first impressions are damn reliable, and that a guy who posts a picture of himself showering is not looking for a long term relationship, no matter what he tells you.

I have learned that I am going to be wildly attractive to some and totally forgettable to others, and it is not a reflection of me as a person (although I REALLY don''t get it...)

It takes it toll on me sometimes. I think I have become a less nice person, at the very least less patient:

If I read one more time about a man who "loves life" and is "ready for chapter 2" I will puke. And I will no longer take the responsibility for carrying a conversation with a monosyllabic man.

At its best, internet dating has potential; there are just as many nice guys out there as there are shmucks. At its worst, it is a mine field of married men,  libido driven maniacs and egotistical scum buckets. 

The long and the short of it is that I am addicted to internet dating sites. 

Say what you will, it keeps me off the streets.