Winter. Rain. Friday 3:00 pm. Israel. The country is so silent. Perfect for writing.
I spoke to my friend on the phone earlier. She knows too much about cancer at her age. She is leaving back to the States tonight and we talked about the hardships of leaving a country after visiting it. You have mixed feelings. On the one hand, you had an amazing time on your visit back in your home country. You saw family and friends that you haven't seen in a long time. You are in familiar territory, the place you grew up in. You got to enjoy your favorite restaurants and home cooked meals along with that familiar smell of your bedroom back at home. It's hard to leave that behind. Yet, you are also excited to get back to your other home. The adventures along with unfamiliar territory and stress of "real" life: university and work, not just vacationing await you.
She was a bit sad to be leaving.
I told her that when I am down about something I hate when people say to me "you have dealt with worse things/you are dealing with a worse thing at the moment" aka cancer. So I won't say that to you, but instead I will remind you that "you have gained tools to deal with unknown/stressful territory."
A few hours later, I reminded myself to remember these very words for next week. I have gained tools to deal with unknown/stressful territory, be it with cancer or anything else.
Last chemo session, I had an allergic reaction. It's the first time that this has ever happened and was unpleasant. Shit, when I suddenly couldn't breathe very well, started getting incredibly itchy, and became red like a tomato - followed by three nurses and a doctor rushing in, stopping the IV treatment, immediately giving me a shot of steroids against the allergic reaction - it was more than just unpleasant, it was scary!
So next week's treatment will be changed. The IV will drip much slower with many eyeballs checking up on me. The IV will take 6-8 hours…drip drip drip. On top of my normal pill routine, I will be given extra medicine a day before, during, and a day after to protect me from allergic reactions. Oh, why can't doctors create chocolate tasting pills in 2015?
I wanted to thank my dear friend for reminding me that life is all about unknown territory and yes we have tools to help us deal with it. Not always, but we are ok.
I can't wait to Skype and hear about your new adventures soon.
Signed C. Girl
Writing environment: laptop/kitchen table + a small bouquet of colorful flowers dipped in water.
Drinking: Pukka, Supreme Matcha Green Tea
Listening to: Taylor Swift, yes yes Taylor Swift