Happy Valentine's Day

By C. GIRL
This is neither a love story, nor a story about a prince in shining armor.
This is a simple story, because other things are too complex. This is a story of waking up on Valentine's Day and seeing the shadow of newly grown eyebrows and tiny eyelashes that have started to grow back a bit (due to a change in the chemo regimen).
This is a story of feeling so beautiful because of these tiny changes. This is a story of learning to love yourself with all of your imperfections and then being able to let someone else get to know you too. Because folks, you can't rush things. You have to build trust, to become vulnerable even if it doesn't lead to a love story; you still end up learning so much about yourself.
Dating after a serious relationship is tough. Let alone dating with cancer. Let alone dating in this app world of ours. We have forgotten what it means to truly be vulnerable in front of another human being. We have forgotten how much impact the smallest things can have on us.
He stepped in and handed me a bag full of snacks and had this shy smile that he wouldn't know how much meant to me at that very moment. "I didn't know what to get you before chemo, so I thought this might be OK".
Day of chemo, a simple yet heartfelt message: how is everything going? How are you holding up?
Next few days: knowing to give me a bit of space each day following treatment and yet, still checking up on me to see how I am doing/feeling. Yes, he has a complicated web of things to unravel not only about me, but also about chemo and those "other" cancer related things. He asks questions, but doesn't pry.
Nobody knows what will happen and that is the beauty of it. It can end just as it started, and that is OK, because we need to learn to live more in the moment than to seek out what will happen in the future. So this Valentine's Day, after another round of chemo, I feel nauseous, gross, and weak. I want to throw up just looking at the pills that I still have to take. Yet, knowing that I have grown to accept myself and that I can share that hug with him the day after V-day allows a smile to come out too.
This is neither a love story, nor a story about a prince in shining armor. This is a simple story, because other things are too complex.