Boycotting Israel? Just Do It! (Part 2)

(By Michael Ordman)
So your organization has decided to boycott all products and services from Israel.  You’ve already removed all Israeli technology from your premises and the homes of your staff as instructed in Part 1?  Good!  Now here are some further actions that you now need to perform in order to comply with this boycott.
Part Two – Staff Health.
Destroy all personal medication. Israel’s Teva Pharmaceuticals, the largest generic drugs company in the world, will have manufactured many of your medicines.  Staff with the following illnesses will need to take specific precautions.
Cancer - do not take any form of medication or treatment. Israeli scientists have been working at the forefront of oncology for decades.
AIDS and HIV – beware; researchers at Israel’s Weizmann Institute or Hebrew University developed or improved AZT and Hypericin-based drugs; they have also developed a treatment that destroys HIV-infected cells without damaging healthy ones.
Diabetes – do not measure or inject Insulin using the devices developed by Israeli scientists.
Multiple Sclerosis – stop taking Copaxone, one of the most efficient medicines and the only non-interferon agent, as Teva developed it.  Don’t touch Laquinimod either.
Parkinson''s – remove the Israel-pioneered brain pacemaker to stop tremors. Discontinue Levodopa, which reduces motor disturbances. Cease sessions that involve magnetic cortex stimulation.
Staff with a family history of heart disease and arteriosclerosis must not use the Israeli device for early detection of these.  Rather, wait until onset of the disease.
Epileptics – stop treatment that may have benefited from the Israeli discovery of the underlying mutant gene; also throw away the bracelet that sends out an alert when a person goes into seizure.
Staff or relatives with Age-related Macular Degeneration - remove Israeli implants that arrest the disease. 
Liver disease – abandon Israeli-developed antibody immunotherapy treatments.
Emphysema - steer clear of the Israeli protein replacement therapy.
Myeloma – stop taking the drug Velcade, which was developed over a period of 30 years by scientists at Haifa.
Sleep apnea - no tests using the breakthrough Israeli device for diagnosis.
Dyslexics must not benefit from the Israeli Internet-based reading system.
Skin allergies must be treated with steroid creams only, as the new safer non-steroid alternative is Israeli.
Any incident of stroke or head trauma or onset of Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, MS, epilepsy, glaucoma or brain tumor must avoid using any of the Weizmann Institute''s patented methods of treatment.
Before any surgery or medical tests, check that hospital catheters have not been protected from infection using the new plastic from Israel that disables microorganisms. Avoid throat surgery as this may utilize Israeli surgical lasers.  Ensure any colonoscopy or gastro investigation does not use internal Israeli cameras such as the Pillcam.  Never undergo surgery to install an artificial heart, as the first artificial heart transplant took place in Israel. 
Kidney transplant patients must wait for donors of the same blood group as only Israel''s revolutionary new methods allow donors from other blood groups.  Staff of Arab origin must not make use of the only database for matching potential Arab donors of bone-marrow - in Israel.
In the event of a spinal injury or disease, do not accept spinal implants - likely to be an Israeli product or development.  Heart rhythm problems must not be solved with the Israeli-developed heart pulse generator. All heart stents are off-limits as most of these originate from Israeli medical companies.
Check all vaccines as many of these have been developed in Israel.  Ensure that all X-rays do carry a radiation risk, as the only radiation-free system is Israeli.  Treatments derived from Stem Cell research must be avoided as most of these are Israeli-developed.
If you or your family are struck with a bacterial infection, do not take alternatives to older, ineffective bacteria-resistant antibiotics, as an Israeli discovery will have been responsible for the modern, effective drugs. Check that any pain relief medication is not based on soya as an Israeli doctor discovered the beneficial effect of the soya bean.
Do not use the revolutionary new Israeli bandage that saved the life of Arizona senator Gabriella Giffords after she was shot in the head.  If you break a bone badly, reject any treatment that involves introducing collagen, as this may have been manufactured from Israeli plants.  Do not protect babies and infants from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome with the Babysense system from Israel.  Do not use Epilady (or epilator) – two Israelis invented this hair removal device. 
Finally, reject all major dental treatment, as your teeth may need to be scanned with an Israeli-developed dental scanner.
Next week, instructions will be issued on how to deal with people you meet as part of you work.  Provided that you are not too sick to come to work!
Michael Ordman writes a weekly newsletter containing Good News stories about Israel.