Boycotting Israel? Just do it! (Part 4)

(By Michael Ordman)
So your organization has decided to boycott all products and services from Israel.  You’ve already removed all Israeli technology from your premises and the homes of your staff.  Also you’ve destroyed all life-saving Israeli medicines and stopped vital treatments and diagnoses as instructed previously?  And you are refusing to deal with people from countries that Israel has provided humanitarian aid to?  Good!  Now here are additional actions that you now need to perform in order to comply with this boycott.
Part Four – Other Impacts.
-Reject all products from the USA. Analysis conducted in a typical US state shows that Israeli innovations were responsible for $2.4 billion in direct revenue to that state’s economy in 2009 and generated nearly 6,000 jobs.
-Do not tutor your children in advanced Mathematics techniques, which may have originated in Israel. Also, if these techniques are used in your children''s schools, withdraw your children immediately.
-Keen ornithologists should consider giving up their hobby as many rare species stop off or reside in Israel during their twice-yearly migration.
-Do not watch the new series of NCIS as one of the actresses is Israeli.
-Avoid going to any football matches featuring teams with Israeli players.
-Destroy all your recordings of Madonna, Bob Dylan, Simon & Garfunkel, Deep Purple, Bon Jovie, Justin Bieber, George Benson, Moby and many, many more artists who have ridiculed the illogical boycott and have proudly performed (or will shortly perform) concerts in Israel.
-Destroy any recordings of U2, Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Bruce Springsteen, Beck, Rihanna Coldplay and any artist whose music has been recorded using the sound technology of the Grammy Award winning Israeli company Wave Audio. You also must get rid of any personal copies of Shrek, American Beauty and Star Wars. Do not trust anything recorded by Sony, JVC, Toshiba or Dell.
-Don''t go to see The Black Swan with Natalie Portman, or watch any old films with Elizabeth Taylor - both lovers of the Jewish State.
-Do not stay in hotels or visit shopping centers owned by Israeli companies (sorry, you will need to check which ones yourself).
-Do not have anything to do with the banks who are using Israeli software to prevent fraud.
-Do not use any credit or debit card as the Security monitoring system used by the credit card companies is likely to be Israeli.
-Do not buy an engagement ring containing a diamond as it is possible that this may have been cut in Israel.
-Do not travel by air, as your plane might get towed by the Israeli-built "Taxibot."
-Do not use public transport inside Amsterdam, Moscow or Northern China in case you benefit from Israeli transportation devices.
-If you suffer a power or network failure, be grateful that at least you haven''t installed the Israeli system that prevents power outages.
-Finally, you need to leave all your taps running when you leave home and must never flush your toilet, because Israel provides water-saving technology to over half of the planet. It also is providing sewage treatment technology across the world, including to the UK.
It should be obvious by now that all the measures specified in Parts 1 – 4 of this series of blogs will inevitably mean that your organization and your staff will be completely unable to function.  Let''s therefore hope that the decision by your organization to boycott Israeli products is flushed down the toilet of history.
Stay tuned for future blogs that will reveal in detail the truth of how Israelis treat their Palestinian Arab neighbors.  It will be an eye-opener to many readers.
Michael Ordman writes a weekly newsletter containing Good News stories about Israel.