Faced with a likely fraud indictment, Prime Minister All-About-the-Benjamins Netanyoohoo has decided to accept an offer from US President Donald Trumpet to be his running mate in the coming 2020 elections.
In announcing the partnernship, Netanyoohoo cited his excellent English and affinity for red ties – as well as an acute allergy to prison stripes – as credentials for being the person a heartbeat away from the US presidency.
“Don’t think of it as running away from my troubles at home,” Netanyoohoo told a closed-circuit press conference attended by nobody, “think of it as bringing my troubles to a different country, one I know how to maneuver intimately well from my high school days in Philadelphia.”
According to documents seen by The Jerusalem Roast, Trumpet has promised to provide Netanyoohoo with diplomatic immunity if he is indicted back home in Israel.
In his only public comments on the issue, Trumpet, who was stopped by reporters outside a McDonalds in a Washington suburb purchasing two Happy Meals, praised Netanyoohoo.
“He’s Jewish and I like Jews. They’re huge, they’ve been around for a long, long time... so many years,” he said, adding that Netanyoohoo has experience building walls.
“They’ve got to deal with Hamas, we’ve got tapas,” said Trumpet. “Together, we should be able to get in at least four rounds of golf a week.”
When asked about the fate of incumbent Vice President Mike Dense, Trump said, “Mike’s a nice guy, but I’m tired of him always asking me to pray with him. If I’m going to win in 2020, I want someone by my side who has no scruples and will stop at nothing – demonize a whole segment of the country, accept bribes, still appear in public with a comb-over to win.”
Netanyoohoo and his wife, Shwarma, will relocate to Washington, DC, as soon as their Georgetown rental has been remodeled to specification and is fully stocked with champagne and cigars.