Mingle if you’re single

It was an interview on the topic of the singles scene in the religious sector that propelled Deputy Minister of Transportation Tzipi Hotovely to a media career, which eventually paved her way to politics.Hotovely, an unknown Bar-Ilan University law student, was interviewed by Dan Margalit on his Erev Hadash television program on the implications of the rising age of religious singles. He then asked the articulate young woman to become a panelist representing the Right on Channel 10’s Moetzet Hahahamim, which he anchored.Joining the Likud was a natural next step.Elected in 2008 to the 18th Knesset, Hotovely was its youngest Knesset member. Yet she faced the challenges shared by many of her peers. Her recent wedding at age 34 to Or Alon, 31, may be encouraging to other religious singles in search of their soulmate.The challenge of meeting one’s match is not new. Apparently, in biblical times, there were many singles who were looking for their match, according to Yossi Glickman, founder of Hamifgashim, an initiative for national-religious singles taking place in Jerusalem during the week of Tu Be’av (July 22- 24). In the Mishna, it says that all single men looking for a wife would go to the vineyards of Shiloh on Tu Be’av.This is based on the description in the Bible of the annual celebrations in Shiloh, in which girls from all levels of society would dress in white and dance in the vineyards.Glickman recalls that he had dated a few years until he met his wife, Ayala, and the narrative of Shiloh’s role in matchmaking would encourage him.Shortly after he got married, he moved in 1979 with his wife to the modern settlement of Shiloh, located near ancient Tel Shiloh. “I thought then about what a privilege it would be to help singles meet,” he says. He organized an event for singles in Shiloh in 1981, resulting in one couple getting married.Fast forward to 2009, when Glickman, a computer programmer with an MA in mathematics, discussed with other Shiloh residents his idea for renewing the custom of helping singles meet for the purpose of marriage. They were told that without funding, the project would never get off the ground.But the Shiloh residents were determined and volunteered their skills and time, taking off from work. “Publicity started from our children’s contacts via email and Facebook,” says Glickman.Since the first Hamifgashim event in 2010, 11 couples have gotten married, and three are engaged, with a few couples dating seriously.According to its website, Hamifgashim is for Orthodox singles from across the spectrum of religious Zionism who are studying towards a profession or working already. Last year, ages ranged from 23 (for the men) and 20 (for the women), to people in their 40s.This year, the three-day program is intended for singles up to 40. There will be a separate one-day program for singles 41 and over.The current staff of Hamifgashim is comprised of Shiloh residents – professionals in counseling, education, social work, psychology, coaching and management who are trained as group facilitators.Glickman’s background in math, especially combinatorial mathematics, is useful for the placement and planning of the group rotations within the three days, enabling, for example, a group of single men to meet four to seven groups of single women, and vice-versa.The day is divided into two-hour workshops led by a group facilitator, where participants in the core group of single men introduce themselves to the women. This is followed by everyone participating in different activities. “It’s not speed dating and is less embarrassing, since it’s not one-on-one, and the group facilitator leads the discussions,” stresses Glickman.“We try to create a pleasant and light atmosphere,” Shulamit Livyatan, a school guidance counselor and group facilitator for the women in the 26-27 age bracket. Before meeting the groups of single men, the women introduce themselves and discuss expectations.Since the group of women will introduce themselves a few times to different groups of men, Livyatan suggests doing so using different angles like hobbies, dreams, profession or a favorite holiday.This is followed by various activities centered around discussions for the entire group, consisting of about 30 people. Then the group is divided into smaller groups of four to five. “The purpose of these activities is for participants to form a first impression to see if they’d be interested in dating,” explains Livyatan. “Singles who are set up for a date often go out, realizing after five minutes that the person isn’t for them. They end up wasting a few hours on the date. The group interaction in Hamifgashim helps them rule out those who they wouldn’t date.Some discussions come up that do not always come up in regular dates, and the girls feel more comfortable to discuss them in a group rather than to be put on the spot in a date.”Examples of such discussions are what they plan to emulate from their parents’ home and what they prefer to leave behind. A humorous activity involves discussing successful and unsuccessful dates and reaching conclusions.Another activity is for the single to describe him or herself through the eyes of a family member.MICHAL AND Amir Maimon of Kiryat Arba met at Hamifgashim in 2011.“This program saved me about five years of dating, since I met about 100 girls within three days,” says Amir, an engineering student, who also studies in a kollel (full-time religious study hall). “I was very busy with studies, yet made the effort. It was an exhausting process, but worth the travel and time.”At 30, Michal, a teacher at the Ofra ulpana, had less offers for dates, and decided to try Hamifgashim. “For me, the atmosphere wasn’t easy, it was overwhelming and powerful, due to the amount of boys and constantly wondering about what impression I’m making on them. Our group facilitator, unassuming and gentle, was wonderful and encouraged us. I’d recommend it to friends if they really want to be active and participate.”Two weeks after the program ended, Amir and Michal started dating. They got engaged a few months later.Participants have codes and input data into a computer program about who they’re interested in meeting, with the degree of interest ranging from “very interested” to “maybe.” It’s all anonymous. A week later, the program lists the matches based on a mutual interest in meeting. The couple is notified, and can start dating if available.Last year’s Hamifgashim, resulted in 115 matches from a pool of 150 single men and 200 single women participants. Until Passover, Glickman persistently keeps track of and calls those who had matches to see if they’re available to date.One of the program’s rules is to avoid mentioning age during introductions.Although the singles are divided according to age, a single woman aged 27 can meet men in the range of 24-32.“Unfortunately, among the religious, many young men will not date someone who is older than them,” says Glickman. “I recall learning in the Talmud that in Jerusalem an older woman would be married to a younger man.According to the math, there should be as many single men as single women, but the reason there are more single women is due to men refusing to date women who are older. However, in over half of the couples that got married in Hamifgashim, the husband is younger by two to three years.”“I was in a group with girls about my age, realizing that some were a couple of years older, too,” says Amir. “I realized Michal was older, but it didn’t bother me.”Netan’el Melchior, originally from Kiryat Shmona, was 28 in 2011 and a tour guide, when his father told him about the Hamifgashim program from a notice he saw in his synagogue.“Our group didn’t feel competitive, and we got to know each other during the three days. Since we met seven groups of girls, each time we had introduce ourselves to them. For purposes of variation, we were asked to introduce someone else in the group. We were able to see beyond objective descriptions like work, and to see the person in a deeper way. This impressed the girls. The atmosphere is relaxed, there’s no pressure to talk to the girls, with the goal to try to form an impression. Because of the various activities, it’s different than a first impression on a date.”While Melchior enjoyed the three days, Ora Benelli, today a physiotherapy student at Safed College, participated for only one day, arriving quite tired after the trip from Safed. In the two sessions that she attended, she ruled out all the young men (one she had dated), except for Melchior – marking him as a “maybe.” Meanwhile, Melchior had six matches with mutual high ratings, and dated all the women over a period of six months. After no success, Glickman asked him if he’d date somebody who rated him with “maybe.” He agreed, and met Benelli. They went out and got married a few months later.“As a baalat teshuva [“a returnee to halachic observance”], Ora was in different circles than me. Chances are it would have been very hard for us to meet if not for Hamifgashim,” Melchior says.Program costs cover the workshops, two meals and Internet access. Hamifgashim will take place at Midrashiat Amalia in Givat Mordechai. The program is in Hebrew. ■ For more information and registration (by July 4): www.hamifgashim.com

Mingle if you’re single

With so many young religious people looking for love, Yossi Glickman figured he could help and ‘Hamifgashim’ was created. A few weddings and three years later, the organization has proved it is not just another speed-dating event.

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