Responding to complaints that not enough “Ashkenazi” food is being served by Israel’s national carrier, El Al CEO Dudu Levy has ordered the airline to diversify its menu.Over the last year El Al carried out surveys of passengers to see what they thought is missing from the airline’s meal plan, which traditionally consists of a small packaged water, flabby chicken breasts on rice and a vegetarian choice that often consists of random selections of warm vegetables. Passengers on flights to Europe and the US overwhelmingly indicated that “traditional Jewish food” was not well-represented.Of the 32,564 people surveyed, fully 63 percent claimed that “chulent and gefillte fish” are missing.Beginning on select flights on the JFK-Tel Aviv route, El Al has begun introducing the “Ashkenazi menu.” One stewardess told the Post that she was excited about the new policy. “Now I get to carry a large pot of steaming cholent down the aisle. I love seeing the smiling faces of the passengers as they put out their bowls to receive a ladle of beans and other mysteries that chulent consists of.”Kugel has also made an appearance in recent weeks.Passenger Rachel Teperberg claims that “it feels just like home and reminds me of those Shalom Aleichem stories about the shtetl.” Her eyes tear up as she explains “this is what a Jewish airline should be; real Jewish food. Tasteless slop in a bowl, next to hard, sweet pasta, it is like bringing back the culture of Eastern Europe in its entirety. All they need now is to have Cossacks on horseback on the plane.”El Al says it does not plan to incorporate horses and Cossacks or pogroms any time soon. However, “if surveys show that the passengers feel a pogrom would add to the experience of the flight, we would consider adding this as well,” said a spokesman.
This story is fictitious and in the spirit of Purim.