Imagining a dialogue on twitter between Netanyahu and Abbas.
By RAY HANANIA
Sometimes, the more you say, the worse things get. For Palestinians and Israelis, sometimes we just don't know when to shut up. We say too much. And what could have been good, goes sour very quickly.
That's why I have hope for Twitter, the Internet rage where people post their thoughts - from the serious to the silly - in under 140 "characters," or between 125 and 130 words (including the spaces).
I always wondered what a conversation on Twitter might look like between Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu and Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas. Actual meanings or shortened lingo are placed in brackets to help us regular people understand what they are saying.
bnetanyahu: @mabbas Just met with the SLG [senile Lebanese geezer]... Ur hoping the US can help you? Ur MS [meshuganeh]!
mabbas: @bnetanyahu U mean the senator [George Mitchell]? - ha ha. He's Phalangist? BHO [Barack Hussein Obama] is just throwing a curve ball. LOL [Lots of love]
BN: You mean the Kenyan who's not the inspiration 4 the Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band's "Born in the USA?"
MA: That song written by a Jew, too? Is there anything u don't control?
BN: The Lubnanee [George Mitchell] said Hussein [Obama] would soften fight with us if I influenced JDs [Jewish doctors] 2 ease up on opposition to his health care plan.
MA: That health care plan is going the same place as the Oslo Accords.
BN: LOL [Laughing out loud]
BN: We also have backup in K2
BN: The Knesset 2
MA: Oh, the Congress. U got more Heebs there than the Masris [Egyptians] had working on the pyramids
BN: Hussein thinks he's a pharaoh but wait till his foreign policy hits the Dead Sea. It won't float!
MA: BTW [By the way] are you planning 2 hit the Persian mushrooms [Iranian nuclear sites] this week or next?
BN: Not sure. We're buying oil from the shah [Mahmoud Ahmadinejad] and I want the shipment to clear first. Got me a new ride [limousine]
MA: You said I can get that Rusky car when you traded up
BN: Only if you're a good boy Mahmy [Mahmoud Abbas]
MA: Well, I'm shorting stocks on Iranian oil in the market and want to keep profs [profits] high
BN: I thought stocks were haram? [an Islamic sin]
MA:Haram? This would be no fun if we didn't have a little haram in our lives
BN: Oops. The senator [Mitchell] is back.
MA: More negotiations?
BN: No. He's getting old and senile. He forgot he was already here. I'm gonna play a game with him
MA: Shesh besh [backgammon]?
BN: Better. I'm going to tell him everything he told me in the first meeting that he forgot, and say the big G [God] gave me his secret plan in a vision.
MA: That'll shake up his humous!
BN: Okay Mahmy, will Tweet [Twitter] u later
MA: Listen, Haniyeh [Hamas leader Ismail Haniyeh] has a card game planned for tonight at his brother's liquor store in Ramallah. Can u sneak by?
BN: Yea. I'll bring some of that moolah [US tax money] Hussein promised u.
MA: Oh. What should we tell the JCNM [Jewish controlled news media] about our talks here?
BN: What we always say. Talks r deadlocked. We hate each other. No hope.
MA: The usual
BN: Yep. We're both sticking up for the rights of our peeps [people].
MA: Yalla Benji. We ever have real peace, we're screwed!
BN: We have peace, my economy will go down faster than SP [Sarah Palin].
MA: Maybe we should invite SP to the negotiations [card game].
BN: Rather have the humous. It has more substance.
MA: She'd look great in a BK [burka]
BN: Yea. With one of those CPEPs [cellphone ear pockets]
The writer is a Palestinian American comedian, columnist and Chicago radio talk show host. www.RadioChicagoland.com
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