Somewhere in the abyss between the constraints of motherhood and the inevitability of hot flashes, I turned 50.
My first thought was this... "Crap, now all those guys who chose drop-down option of ''age preference for partner'' 40-49 are going to miss me."
I am like those digital clock radios from my childhood; back when digital meant you read the time with digits that flipped over on a hinge. I have flipped over. All the numbers have made their rounds. The click is deafening. I am now 50 and alarms are going off everywhere in cyberspace.
Every on-line dating site has celebrated my birthday with a fateful "refresh" at midnight. I have been relegated to the search results of the over 60s looking for a younger woman. No longer would I be an educated, non-smoker, 40-49 with a proportional body type.
How can I reverse this torture? Can I set my birthday back a few days? Is it too late?
The panic sets in and I change my birthday to next week. Relief for a few days.
But ohhhhh. Not good...Quick. Look up when Aries is no longer Aries. We can''t have a situation in which I am displaying STRICTLY Aries like traits when my new birthday is making me a whatever... this would confuse the shit out of the myriad of men that have me pegged as an Aries within 3 minutes of conversation...
And we don''t want to confuse any more men.
I easily could have gained another year of interest from the under 50 men who "love life" and are "ready for chapter 2." But I couldn''t do it. I just couldn''t contribute to that web of half-truths that are the world of on-line dating.
So I chose to remain a 50 year old Aries. And a 51 year old Aries. And a soon to be 52 year old Aries. I''ll keep my profile picture updated and (try to) stop thinking about the ones that got away.
I''ll devote my energy to being the best I can be as time marches on.
And with a bow to those men and women who choose to add years to their cyber life, I am almost finished writing the "New Translation of Internet Dating Answers." I promise to share it with you.