Life coaching: We've been duped

The quality of our lives is reflected by the quality of our thoughts and our ability to imagine, write down, and execute compelling goals. Do it now. Or not. It's up to you.

By BEN GOLDFARB
ben goldfarb 88 (photo credit: )
ben goldfarb 88
(photo credit: )
We've been duped, but I don't think it was done on purpose. I want to slay some sacred cows, debunk some myths, and while I'm at it, give you the secret ingredient for the best kosher chili in the Middle East. But first, I want to expose some of the false notions our society has fed us, albeit it without any agenda. I will then present you with my subjective version of the truth. Behavioral Change "They" have drilled the idea into our heads that behavioral change is a long, difficult, painful, and rarely effective process. In many cases, change not only HAPPENS quickly, it can ONLY happen quickly. It turns out that most of our hang-ups, issues, and repeated fashion faux pas were learned quickly, and consequently they can be unlearned just as quickly with some cognitive creativity and a good night's sleep. Most of our limitations and problems are the result of our imagination. The same imagination that produced our current reality can get us out of that reality with a little hard play. One of the reasons America was caught by surprise on 9/11 was due to "failure of imagination". Failure of imagination is the inability to visualize how bad things can get. However, the type of failure of imagination that many of us experience is the inability to picture how great things can get. In many cases, changes take place when we master the art and science of positive visualization. Motivation Motivation as a stand-alone feeling is highly overrated. Real motivation, or better yet, self-motivation, is a natural byproduct of exciting goals. If your goals are as compelling as a documentary on mitosis, then it's time to spice them up. Exciting things are just waiting to happen when one's goals are exhilarating. Unless you are a household appliance, you will feel tremendous self-motivation when thinking about and executing your compelling goals and dreams. Learning Disabilities Most cognitive learning disabilities are really teaching disabilities. Before you jump down my throat, let me state that teachers have one of the most important jobs on our planet. They are underpaid, under-appreciated, overworked and generally don't have the bandwidth to understand how each student processes information in their own unique way. To add insult to injury, teachers' lounges rarely have upbeat music or decent lighting. Nonetheless, if the school system could invest additional resources to explore the subjective learning style of each student and teach accordingly, then the number of LD diagnoses would decrease dramatically, as would the number of prescriptions of Ritalin. (See I'm not anti-Ritalin, I'm pro-ADD) Traumas, phobias, and PTSS There's a painful untruth circulating on the planet that there are certain traumas and painful events from your past that you will never get over. In the words Richard Bandler, (or Tom Robbins) "It's never too late to have a happy childhood." While no one is denying that terrible things often happen to us and there must be a period of sadness and mourning over horrific events from our past, we don't have to hang on to these memories forever. We can be creative and learn to empower ourselves as we rebuild our lives in a proactive way. We don't have to let these memories drag us down indefinitely. In fact, these memories can serve as a trigger for future successes. "They" perpetuate the notion that the human brain isn't hardwired to get past traumas, but "they" don't know about our powerful mental software that's just waiting to be tweaked, installed, and used. It's not so much the content of the past traumas that is important, but rather the structure of how to eliminate them. (See Vacuum Cleaners and the Twilight Zone) The quality of our lives is reflected by the quality of our thoughts and our ability to imagine, write down, and execute compelling goals. Do it now. Or not. It's up to you. As for the kosher chili, add one teaspoon of brown sugar for each quarter pound of ground beef (or tofu). You will be amazed how this simple ingredient both improves the overall flavor of the chili and eliminates the after taste. (Neither Ben Goldfarb nor the Jerusalem Post take responsibility for the quality of your chili.) Ben Goldfarb was born and raised in El Paso, Texas, and is a graduate of the University of Texas at Austin. He moved to Israel in 1988. He is the founder and director of Paradigm Shift Communications. He has given seminars and training sessions at Israel Aircraft Industry and Philips Medical Systems. His book, "Double Feature: A Nostalgic Peek into the Future" will be published in the summer. He lives with his wife and children in Jerusalem. For more information about his coaching practice, visit the Paradigm Shift Communications website, or send an email to ben@pdshiftcoaching.com © Copyright 2008 by Ben Goldfarb