Death to dating

Death to dating

By TAMAR CASPI
November 8, 2009 13:05
4 minute read.

Month after month, the same faces seem to gaze upon you from the computer screen as you peruse J*Date, searching and hoping for something new. And you hope and wait and pray that this find will be a perfect match, both of you hot-listing each other, sending flirts and messages and finally exchanging phone numbers, only to meet up and unearth your beshert (soul mate). But month after month this is not to be, and your J*Date prospects seem to be thinning as quickly as your boss's hairline. Frustration sets in. Event after event, the same faces seem to gaze upon you as you walk through the door of a Jewish singles night while you peruse the crowds, searching and hoping that you'll catch sight of a new face and lock eyes. You hold your breath as you make your way around the room, hoping, waiting and praying that you'll find someone to spend the rest of the night talking to and the rest of the room will disappear into oblivion as you and your beshert get to know each other. But event after event this is not to be, and the probabilities of meeting someone seem to be dwindling as quickly as your bank account. Frustration sets in. Date after date, the faces sitting across from you begin to all look alike, memories of those dates turn into a redundant void, the chemistry is lacking, the conversation is boring. Even so you hope and wait and pray before each date that this time it will be different, this time your interest will be piqued, this time there will be instant attraction, and that this time you won't want the night to end. But date after date this is not to be, and the possibility of finding your beshert seems to disappear faster than the alcohol at an open bar wedding reception. Frustration sets in. MOST SINGLE Jews experience one if not all of these scenarios at some point (or at many points) during their dating lifetime. And it's not uncommon to experience all of them at the same time. Stay calm. This is normal. All it means is that you need a break and you need it now. Freeze your J*Date account, take a break from singles events and stop dating for a few weeks, or even a few months. Whatever you do, don't expect to meet anyone during this time. Your mood will be palpable, and when you continue to strike out you will only fall deeper into despair. When the pressure is off you can begin to clear your mind and shake off the awful feeling that finding your beshert is a hopeless endeavor, because it's not. Sometimes you just get stuck in a funk and need to get far away from anything even remotely attached to dating, and that's okay. Talk to any of your single friends, of any gender, any age, in any city and you'll be quickly comforted by the fact that you're not alone in your misery. Use this time instead for getting ahead in your job, spending quality time with your family and friends, working out to get in bathing-suit shape in time for summer, or just for more "me" time. You can also use this time to create your own priority checklist for love, or reevaluate the importance of some of the items on a list you already have. That way, when you do make your grand entrance back onto the dating scene, you'll be prepared and able to recognize what (or rather who) you want when you see it. There are many advantages to avoiding anything denoting dating for a while. For one, the mind-set you have when you're purposely not on the prowl will attract potential dates like moths to a flame. You know all the sayings: "Good things come to those who wait" and "love happens when you least expect it," and so on. Repeat those lines to yourself as a sort of mantra whenever the going gets tough. They may be overused clichés, but they're also true. Repeat the sayings, take a deep breath and rest assured love will come your way… because it will! When you reappear on the scene, you'll be that new face, and other faces that were once familiar will be fresh to you. A person who used to blend into the background may now stand out to you. People who got used to seeing you at every event will take notice. Last, your mind-set once you return to the dating game won't be of frustration or desperation or resignation. Instead, you'll have a renewed sense of hope that all is not lost, and that there is someone out there for you. Sign back up for J*Date with new photos, a new biography and a new name. Go to a singles event with a new shirt, new haircut and a smile. Go on a date with a new attitude. It will be obvious to everyone involved that you are happy with yourself in your life and you will not only attract romantic possibilities, but probably new friends too.


Related Content

Supreme Court President Asher Grunis
August 28, 2014
Grapevine: September significance

By GREER FAY CASHMAN