Wives of PTSD victims ask for greater understanding.
By RUTH EGLASHshock attack 88 224(photo credit: Ariel Jerozolimski)
It has taken her more than five years but Meirav (not her real name) has finally come to terms with the fact that her husband is not the same person she married nearly 20 years ago.
"I accept that he is sick," begins Meirav, who for the past two years has been involved in a support group for wives of men suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) after either being in a terrorist attack or following an experience in the IDF.
"We have accepted that he is a father and a husband who does not work, participate in family events or go to any large gatherings. Once we were able to accept that, there was a big improvement in our family life."
According to Meirav and the other women in the support group, which is run by Natal, the Israel Trauma Center for Victims of War and Terror, not enough attention is given to the women who have to suffer along with their partners in a wide range of extreme emotional issues.
In many cases the families go from being strong middle-class earners to being dependent on extended family or aid organizations.
"Society is not set up to understand what is really going on with families like ours," continues Meirav, who asked to remain anonymous out of respect for her husband, who has still not come to terms with his condition. "If someone has lost an arm or a leg then it is easy to recognize but with PTSD it is not. It's all about recognition."
Meirav said that while her husband did not directly experience any of Israel's wars, his work with the security establishment in the aftermath of numerous suicide bombings left him with the "delusion that nothing really mattered because there was no tomorrow."
According to Natal's statistics, roughly 10 percent of the Israeli population suffers from this kind of post-trauma, caused either by their national service or following a terrorist attack.
"Everything falls on the shoulders of these women," explains Hadassah Ashdot, a trained psychologist who runs a variety of therapy groups for families and couples at Natal. "She goes from having a partnership with a man to becoming the main parent in the relationship. Many times she loses her individuality and her feminism. Suddenly her partner is missing in all areas, economically and intimately."
Treatment for those suffering from PTSD needs to come as a family package, says Ashdot, adding that the main aim of the support group for wives of men with the condition is to give the women strength so that "when he collapses she won't collapse with him."
"It has been running for about five years and women come from across the country to participate," she says, adding that each woman is experiencing and looking for a different element. "It could be that they want friendship or just to know there are other women out there who feel the same way as them."
According to Ashdot, most cases of PTSD are not curable and until the problem is recognized on all levels - from the individual him or herself to within the family and society - it will continue to be one of this country's biggest problems.
"This is a chronic condition that does not go away," she observes, "When the father has PTSD, the whole family ends up paying the price for what he has gone through. All we can do is help the families understand his condition and try to pull them all together to help each other."
With the 35th anniversary of the Yom Kippur War, Ashdot warns that significant dates can act as a trigger for those with PTSD. "These anniversaries only serve to exaggerate the pain," she says. "There needs to be someone in the family that can stand up and weather the storm."
She concludes: "Natal really can provide people with the help and the strength they need to carry on." For further information, call Natal's hotline (1-800-363-363) or visit www.natal.org.il.
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