wedding great 88 248.
(photo credit: Courtesy of Jason Hutchens)
Facebook has changed the dating world as we know it. Not only do you get to "publish" who you're dating, but you can also track every step thereof, from "in a relationship" to "engaged" to "married." Of course, those News Feeds include break-ups, too. So it was a shocker when I found out via the social networking Website that two separate friends of mine had broken off their respective engagements. I was embarrassed on their behalf - not because their fiancÃ©s ditched them, but because both their entire networks now wanted to give them sympathy when all they wanted to do was bury themselves under the covers and forget it ever happened.
Other Facebook faux pas occur when friends congratulate each other on engagements before they've been announced, on new jobs before the previous one is terminated, on pregnancies before the first trimester is up and so on. By the way, you can delete profile changes and comments from the News Feed by clicking on the "x" on your home page. That way, when something such as a break-up occurs you don't need to broadcast it to the world.
But what's more awkward is when the Facebook News Feed informs me that my ex-boyfriends have moved on. It doesn't matter how long ago a relationship ended, who ended it, or how it ended - it's never easy to learn that your ex has met someone new. It's even harder when your entire mutual world finds out about it along with you. And of course it's an entirely other level of devastating since my status was still listed as "single."
Facebook was how I found out my ex-boyfriend Mark* was selling his business and moving to a small town on the opposite coast. After a quick look at his profile page, I was able to quickly figure out he was moving to be with a girl... a non-Jewish girl. For some reason that irked me because this is the same guy who told me that one of the reasons he loved me so much was because I'm Jewish, active in the community and share the same values. I guess those qualities didn't mean so much to him, after all.
Facebook was also how I learned another ex got hitched. Suddenly, Greg's profile went from "single" to "married" and I hadn't even known he was dating anyone! After a phone call to a mutual friend, I found out he broke up with me for the woman who is now his wife. He proposed after just a few months and they were married not long after. Greg was the same guy who told me he wasn't ready to get married because he had recently broken off an engagement. His new wife is Jewish, but pictures showed the bride wearing a sleeveless dress to their huppa-less wedding performed by a Rent-a-Rabbi. Did I mention that lobster was served at the reception? Another phone call to the mutual friend informed me that Greg didn't think the pre-wedding relationship classes required by most rabbis were necessary. Great foundation to a new marriage, right?
The kicker was the engagement announcement posted by Sam. Sam and I met on J*Date a few years ago while he was in the process of moving. We spent hours talking on the phone, but just before we met I decided, unbeknownst to Sam, that he shouldn't move to a new city and immediately enter a new relationship. Thus, the first date was excruciatingly awkward and ruined any hope of a future. We later became friends and even made a pact that we would start a family together if we were both single in 10 years. So I was definitely bummed when my back-up put a rock on another girl's finger.
I felt as though I could make any guy commit, just not to me. All a guy has to do is date me and the next thing you know they've found their soulmate... with the next girl. I know it may sound it, but I'm actually not a bitter person. So I decided to look at it with a positive spin: I had done three mitzvas. I broke Mark's heart, turning him off to all Jewish girls and driving him to the opposite coast to find Kristen. I was Greg's rebound from his broken engagement, readying him to meet and marry Sharon. And I pushed Sam away and into the arms of Lisa. And mazal tov to each and every one of them! I feel like I was instrumental in bringing three couples together and hopefully I will be rewarded in the near future. And you bet I'll be changing my Facebook status to "in a relationship" as soon as it happens!
(* all names have been changed)