Some people attract drama to their lives like a magnet, some people deflect it
like a tinfoil sunshade, and others try to avoid it like the plague.
hate drama, and if a family member, friend or significant other tries to rope me
into their drama, I get mad and let them know in no uncertain terms to leave me
out of it.
The problem is that when it comes to your family, you can’t
run away from it, and when it comes to your friends, you want to be supportive.
But when it comes to a romantic relationship, there are more details to take
into consideration and alternative ways to deal with it.
A few years ago,
I had a boyfriend with an ex-girlfriend who wasn’t out of the picture. She
purposely tried to cause drama to try and break us up. I could have fed into the
drama by telling my boyfriend to stop talking to his ex and cut her off, but I
chose to take a different path. I ignored it.
Drama is like a fire: It
needs oxygen to make it grow. If you don’t feed it, then it dies.
boyfriend respected me for being the better person, saw the ex for what she was,
and cut her off on his own. (Needless to say, when we broke up, the ex swooped
back in on her prey, but during the relationship I was able to dispel the drama
by rising above it.) If one or both of you gets sucked into a drama early in the
relationship, it may be a red flag. If you don’t agree about what is drama, or
how to deal with it, that may also be a red flag.
These are not red flags
to ignore. Not only that, you need to be aware of these red flags so you don’t
consciously or subconsciously overlook them due to hope for the
It doesn’t mean the relationship is necessarily doomed, but
it does mean that you need to have a talk.
Someone who is a drama magnet
and thrives on it probably won’t mesh well with a person who avoids drama and
doesn’t like to add fuel to the fire.
When I was single and on J*Date, I
remember guys would create drama before we’d even met! Most of it stemmed from
totally unfounded jealousy and raised a flag so red that a colorblind person
wouldn’t have missed it.
One guy I had planned to meet saw that I had
logged into J*Date, and wondered why. He thought that since we had made plans,
that meant I was a marked woman and was not to log in ever again (or at least
not until after the first date, if it ended disastrously. There wasn’t a first
date; I cancelled it).
Another guy was merely corresponding with me,
found out that I was also emailing with one of his friends and got mad, accusing
me of cheating on him.
Just because you meet someone on J*Date and make
plans to meet doesn’t mean you are off the market.
Dating is difficult
enough without J*Date having drama – but at least I was able to weed out those
losers before wasting my time on dates with any of them! MY FAMILY and “S” don’t
agree on politics. “S” and I tend to agree for the most part, but I learned long
ago to avoid discussing politics with my family because it gets personal.
Unfortunately, “S” has yet to learn that lesson, and I was recently caught up in
the drama when debate turned into attack.
My family is passionate about
what they believe in, but I have to remind them that it’s just that – what they
believe in. It’s not fact, it’s opinion. I reminded “S” of these distinctions as
well, and we decided to avoid the topic of politics with my family in the
future, even if it means leaving the room when the topic arises.
“S” is like me and doesn’t like drama.
Needless to say, we aren’t perfect
and sometimes we fight and create drama within our own little world, but we at
least try not to let that drama seep out.
One of our other couple friends
fight a lot and don’t even bother trying to limit the fighting to when they’re
home alone. They fight in public, when they have company, and even when one of
them is on the phone. They fight loud, aren’t embarrassed, and don’t care who’s
The thing is, as awkward as it is for those of us who have to
witness it, they always work it out and seem to love each other deeply.
friends, we try to be there for them if they need to talk, but we have
learned when to cancel plans so we don’t have to sit through a live
It’s not the way “S” and I function – but they also don’t ever try
to put us in the middle, so it doesn’t threaten our friendship.
who create drama, or put themselves in the midst of drama, usually do so
they’re either bored, immature or both. Hopefully, a healthy and
romantic relationship will be enough to quell the urge to create a
Eventually, sitting at home with your significant other and
watching television on the couch while cuddling will be much more
productive than spending your time on the phone instigating drama,
nonsense, or ignoring your mate.