Psychology: Steer your sinking ship

Why are people doing as well as they are, especially under suboptimal circumstances?

By BATYA L. LUDMAN
whaling ship 311 (photo credit: AP)
whaling ship 311
(photo credit: AP)
We are like rubber bands, stretching beyond what seems to be our breaking point and snapping back. Some bounce back better than others; an ability termed “resilience.” Psychologists use the term to define those individuals who, surprisingly, in the face of extreme adversity, seem to do okay.
For years, psychology and medicine have looked at illness or pathology.
Recently we have thought it equally, if not more, important to look at psychological and physical health and well-being, to understand what is going “right” rather than “wrong” in people’s lives.
Why are people doing as well as they are, especially under suboptimal circumstances? Some people seem to adjust well to difficult events, show flexibility, focus on what they have in their life and actually grow and thrive in spite of all they’ve been through. While others become increasingly frustrated and reactive to a situation, these resilient individuals seem calm, hopeful and take each new challenge in their stride. They easily seem to stretch well beyond their comfort zone.
Resilience may appear to be inborn, but one can actually learn to be calm and deal more healthily with life’s challenges the same way that one can learn to be optimistic. So while cultural, religious and personality issues may play a role in sustaining a behavior, one can also learn to choose to react differently and be in control.
The first step in responding appropriately involves determining what your triggers are. These are the red flags, people or events that “push your buttons” and send you from zero to 10 in seconds with respect to anger or fear. As you get progressively more distressed, you are often not even aware of it. Like driving, one needs to be cognizant of the light as it turns amber and not see it as going directly from green to red.
Once you begin to recognize how you feel as you go through these stages of distress, learn to slow down your reactions and understand them better, you will better contain your feelings and achieve a greater sense of control. These distress signals can help you avoid a fullfledged anger or panic attack if interpreted appropriately and early enough in the process.
Start, by noticing changes in your bodily sensations that you may not generally be aware of (breathing, heart rate, skin temperature). Pay attention to when you sigh and when your words and actions make you feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders.
Chances are you’re reacting to something without even knowing.
Increased awareness of your stressors can enable you to change how you respond to people and events and reinterpret how you see your world. Everything is not entirely bad and by not catastrophizing, and seeing that some thing is good, you can learn to appreciate things differently, putting more meaning into your life. Changing how you respond will impact both your physical and emotional health.
Something as simple as breathing differently gives you the opportunity to stop, think, get unstuck, change your focus and stop ruminating. This gives time for reflection, gaining new insight and greater clarity. This actively takes you out of panic mode and prevents escalation of your symptoms. If you add relaxation exercises, you’ll discover that you have a deeper understanding of how you’re feeling, allowing you alternative strategies for dealing with events, while enabling you to cope better.
Once you’re focused, you can reframe your thinking and find a different solution or a new action plan. Think of it as your GPS doing a route recalculation when you take a wrong turn. When my kids were younger and “got up on the wrong side of the bed,” I sent them back upstairs and let them come down again, say good morning with a smile and start the day over. You can adapt a more flexible outlook if you choose. People who are resilient see life’s challenges in a positive way.
Journal writing and attending to your spiritual needs can further enable you to let go of negative thoughts and move into positive mode. While there is a tremendous amount you can control in your life, not all is within your control.
You may have to let things go that you can’t change. You may need assistance along the way.
Gratitude and seeing the world with a positive spin go a long way toward helping you develop resilience. Life offers many blessings but you have to be in the right state of mind to appreciate them. Lighten up, laugh a little, focus on what really matters and you will discover how good it feels to take things less seriously. Practice noticing the positive and you will be positive. See success in your actions and you will find more opportunities to be successful.
If you’re well prepared for coping in calm moments, just imagine how well you’ll do under pressure.
The writer is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Ra’anana.

www.drbatyaludman.com