Rattling the Cage: 'Feh' on hunting

We don't admire hunters.

larry derfner 88 (photo credit: )
larry derfner 88
(photo credit: )
'There was a story in The Jerusalem Post recently about how Sarah Palin was driving a lot of the old Jews in Florida back into the hands of the Democrats. They still didn't particularly like Barack Obama, but they disliked Palin more, explained Steve Geller, a Jewish Democratic politician down there. It wasn't just the evangelical thing, he said. "Most of our South Florida condo people are appalled at seeing her standing over a moose." Finally. Thank God. I'd like to shake the hands of those South Florida condo people for saying what American Jews have been afraid to say ever since the rise of the Right: We don't like hunting. We don't admire hunters. In fact, we think they're a little strange, maybe even a little bit sick - and with some of them, more than a little bit. What sort of person kills animals for sport? For fun? You see this picture of Sarah Palin kneeling in the snow over this moose she's just shot, and the moose is lying there bleeding from the mouth - and everybody's supposed to applaud. This is women's equality - women can kill moose, too. By the way, this is not just a Republican thing; Hillary Clinton told the story over and over about how she learned to hunt from her father. In 2004, John Kerry made sure everyone knew he may be a Democrat with a Boston accent, but he was a hunter, damnit. Obviously, they were going after the redneck vote, showing they weren't prissy urban liberals, they were real, red-blooded Americans. That's what you have to do to get elected president ever since 1980, when Reagan took over, and country became cool. AND I have to laugh at these Jewish Republicans who are kvelling over Palin and what a regular, down-to-earth gal she is. I'd like to see some of these verbose Jewish neocons tromping around Alaska with a hunting rifle going after caribou, whatever the hell that is. Why don't they admit that they're put off by Palin's exploits in the snow, and by hunting in principle, just like those Florida condo people are. This is not a Jewish thing, and, as a Jew, I'm happy to say it's not. I know there are a few Jewish hunters out there, and I want to say I feel sorry for you, you and all your gentile friends, that this is how you find joy in life - by killing deer, and moose, and rabbits, and ducks, and birds and whatever other animals you enjoy shooting. By the way, I don't mean to tar all gentiles as barbarians - I know that millions and millions of gentiles are also sickened by hunting, maybe most of them are. But let's face it, even if most gentiles aren't hunters, virtually all hunters are gentiles. After all, how many Jews are members of the National Rifle Association? (No, you cannot count Charlton Heston, z"l.) And I'm not one of those people who want to outlaw hunting. I don't think it's "murder," I don't think animals have the same rights as people. Actually, I'm no great animal lover at all. Actually, if you want to know the truth, I identify with the humorist Fran Lebowitz, who, when asked to name her favorite animal, replied: "Steak." And I don't hate guns, either; I got a big kick out of target practice in the army. I'm also not a stickler for gun control; I understand that in some places and some situations, a gun is a good thing to have, and I'm not convinced that rounding up guns in America would bring the crime rate down to European levels. It's just that I don't like the idea of killing animals for pleasure, and I don't think being a hunter is anything to be proud of. I wouldn't do it, and frankly, I don't think I could be friends with somebody who did it, or at least somebody who did it passionately, and it seems to me that all hunters are passionate about hunting. It doesn't strike me as a hobby you can pursue half-heartedly. The South Florida condo people have a term for it: goyishe naches. Gentiles' idea of happiness. Not all gentiles, of course, but too many of them, including Sarah Palin, Hillary Clinton, John Kerry and, of course, Dick Cheney. (Just think - if the yidden in Florida had known all along that Cheney was such a remarkably eager hunter, Al Gore probably would have won in 2000.) So let's all of us Jews, or virtually all of us, along with the vast, civilized majority of gentiles, stand up and say: Feh on hunting! You think that makes you a man, or a strong woman? It makes you a nut! You should be ashamed of yourselves! Unless you're starving, leave the poor animals alone! And now that we've told the rednecks and the politicians who pander to them what we think of that great American pastime, shall we talk about stock car racing?