Carlin on Jews and religion

If a boy or a man went into a church, they had to remove their hat in the presence of God. But they already told me that God was everywhere, so I used to wonder, well, if God is everywhere, why do you even own a hat. Why not show your respect, don't even buy a f***ng hat... Say it was in certain temples, Jewish men had to cover their heads. In those same temples, Jewish women, not allowed to cover their heads. So try to figure this shit out. Catholic men and Jewish women, no hats. Catholic women and Jewish men, hats. Somebody's got the whole thing totally f***ng backwards, don't you think? From It's Bad for Ya, HBO (2008) Let me say this to you, my interesting Judeo-Christian friends. Not only, not only do I recommend crucifixions, I'd be in favor of bringing back beheadings!! From Back in Town, HBO (1996) The odds of you being killed by a terrorist are practically zero. So I say relax and enjoy the show. You have to be a realist. You have to be a realistic about terrorism. Certain groups of people, certain groups, Muslim fundamentalists, Christian fundamentalists, Jewish fundamentalist, and just plain guys from Montana are going to continue make life in this country very interesting for a long long time... Angry men in combat fatigues talking to God on a two-way radio and muttering incoherent slogans about freedom are eventually going to provide us with a great deal of entertainment. From You are All Diseased, HBO (1999) (On people who wear visors) What the f**k is the point in wearing half a hat? Either wear a hat or don't. No one's interested in the top of your head. Go back to the store. Tell them to give you the rest of the hat. They cheated you. Better still, tell them to give you one of them Jewish hats and sew it to your visor. From Complaints and Grievances, HBO (2001) Compiled by Nathan Cohen