Hot Flashes


That''s it... I got the blood tests back.... I''m post menopausal....


While my doctor says that I should give a zillion thanks that I didn''t suffer hot flashes, I was COUNTING on hormonal havoc as a ready excuse for just about everything.


NOW how am I going to explain the mood swings? The sudden tears? My bitchy twin?


And if it is not enough that I didn''t get to use the excuses of menopause, does it seem fair that I don''t even get the full advantages of empty nest? This later life mothering has me saying goodbye to my hormones while saying hello to 14 year old daughter - hereinafter referred to as Her Royal Highness'' - hormones.


Oh.... and did I forget to mention that not only do I have to deal with being over 50 and blind-dating, but all previous illusions that I could compete with younger women seem truly ludicrous, as my self confidence is left behind, lost somewhere in the aisles between the tampons and the prune juice?


The up-side? My doctor exclaimed, "Congratulations, your ovaries have stopped working, you don''t need birth control anymore!"  Given the current state of affairs, that''s like wasting youth on the young...


I know that nothing has really changed in my life except the added official knowledge of my new status. I''ll get over it. I''ve gotten over worse. 


But for now, humor me.... I think it is worth a pout or two.