Former hostage Ofer Kalderon spoke about the trauma that has haunted him since his release in February, saying that “the body has a death instinct. You are physically alive, but you feel dead.”
In his first interview since his release from Hamas captivity, speaking to N12 on Friday, Kalderon recalled his and his family’s abduction on October 7 by the terrorists, with the exception of his eldest child, Gaia, who lived outside Nir Oz in a rented Tel Aviv apartment.
“I cried the tears of my life, because I realized that there was nothing I could do,” he said. “I had a loaded gun, but how do I protect my children in this situation?”
Kalderon said on social media that “the morning of October 7 is the moment when my life fell apart. Before my eyes, when I was wounded and bleeding, Hamas terrorists kidnapped my two children, Sahar, 16, and Erez, who was only 12 at the time. Then I was dragged to Gaza, humiliated and helpless. That moment, when Erez was torn from my hands and Sahar was being led on a motorcycle between two terrorists, is a nightmare that comes back every night and never lets me go.”
His carpentry shop in Nir Oz was destroyed on October 7, and he says he is unable to return to living on the kibbutz due to the painful memories. Now he is asking for help from the public in a post published on social media, also on Friday night, to rebuild his life and become a father who can support his family.
A crowdfunding campaign was also opened for Kalderon by the cycling group he rode with before his abduction, as his carpentry shop was his only source of income.
“I never imagined that I would write a post like this,” he said. “But today, I understand that I have no choice; some things must come out of me. I was 484 days in Hamas captivity, and I still have not truly returned to life. My dream is to feel like a father again who can protect my children and my family,” he wrote.
“People ask me if I will go back to live [at Kibbutz Nir Oz], and I can’t even imagine it. Every corner of the kibbutz is a memory of the nightmare that has become my life.”
His family said that he lost 25 kilograms during his time in captivity, weeks after his release. Kalderon had also contracted pneumonia in the days after his release from the hospital and had to be readmitted.
“I feel betrayed by my country. I am an excellent citizen, and I gave my all,” he said. “I don’t understand it.”
While in captivity, he ran into hostages Adina Moshe, Nimrod Cohen, Matan Zangauker, Sagui Dekel-Chen, David Cunio, brothers Eitan and Iair Horn, and Yarden Bibas, according to N12.
He revealed to the news channel that he also encountered Hamas leader Yahya Sinwar.
“He passed through the tunnel and talked to us. I recognized him immediately,” he said.
A crowdfunding campaign opened for Kalderon
Kalderon now lives in Kiryat Gat, according to the crowdfunding campaign statement, which said that the campaign was for the former hostage “to live far from the memories of horror, the opportunity for rehabilitation, and to open a new carpentry shop that is part of his true rehabilitation.”
The goal of NIS 1.5 million ($450,000) for the crowdfunding campaign was crossed as of Saturday morning.
Dr. Itay Gal contributed to this report.