Purim Parody: Purim costume shopping traumatizes ‘JRoast’ journalist

“I don’t think I’ll ever be the same again.”

Purim celebrants in Jerusalem (photo credit: MARC ISRAEL SELLEM)
Purim celebrants in Jerusalem
(photo credit: MARC ISRAEL SELLEM)
A Jerusalem Roast journalist who has asked to remain anonymous expressed her shock and outrage yesterday after her attempts to shop for a Purim outfight were thwarted by what she called “pushy Israelis and their children.”
“It was traumatic – there I was thinking it would be a quick in-and-out excursion. I’d find my costume and all would be well. Instead, I was met with what seemed like a war zone. I walked into the stores and found this mass of colorful costumes and props littered all over the floors while children shouted and pushed and their parents grabbed costumes from shelves, opened them and then threw them down on the floor if they weren’t the right size. It was worse than the shuk on Erev Shabbat.”
After almost an hour of pushing, she finally made it to the costume aisle and thought she’d found the right outfit – a pirate costume.
The journalist said she was holding her Rav-Kav travel card and opened the packaging, which already showed signs it had been opened before, and was about to look at the costume size when an attendant began shouting at her that she wasn’t allowed open the packaging.
“I argued that there were tons of people around me who had just done the same thing and there was no sign that said ‘Do not open.’ I was traumatized when he shouted at me. I’m a law-abiding citizen, so this type of stuff freaks me out – especially when he started calling for the manager.”
In her shock, she dropped her Rav-Kav travel card into the costume package without realizing and when she apologized for her mistake, decided she would continue the search, putting the costume holding her Rav-Kav to the side.
“I looked at a few more costumes but got pushed out the way so decided I’d give up.”
As she was leaving the store, to her horror, she realized her travel card was gone.
“It was a nightmare, the thought of pushing through the crowds to search the floors and the shelves. I charged like a knight into battle – right back into the crowd and began my search. I even rallied the shop attendants to help. As we searched through costumes and bent down on the floors, I saw what I thought was the original pirate costume that I had looked at and luckily, as I put my hand in, I found my bright green card. I’ve never been so happy!”
The journalist got a costume eventually, but after that experience, “I don’t think I’ll ever be the same again,” she said. “I think I might go back to South Africa for next Purim. I need some time to recover.”