By HADASSAH CHENA bride and groom kiss under the chuppah at their wedding(photo credit: NIR ELIAS / REUTERS)
It’s quiet.I still don’t believe it.I am sure someone is hiding in the bathroom or under the bed.Helloooooo – is anybody here?The first day in almost three months and a little more, that life seems to be getting back to normality.All kids are back in school.I’m almost emotional.I stare out the window with my espresso.Shocked.Is this it?Are we done with surprises?Is the world slowly emerging from the deep coma it has been induced into?If this were a movie scene, right about now the camera would slowly back up from my profile at the window and grand music would start playing with credits slowly rolling up.The end.You wish.I feel this is only the beginning.For the past three months we have been closed in our houses with our close family only, husbands, children, dogs, cats, or alone.We have been breathing each other’s air, we have shared our dreams and fears on those long sleepless nights while staring at the empty roads below and the shining stars above.We have dug in each other’s souls and have discovered in our close ones new people that maybe we didn’t even know that way.We have been stripped from all our masks and our essence has come to light.We had no choice.We faced our children with fear in our eyes not knowing what answer to give them to why the world had suddenly stopped.We faced our parents with sadness in our hearts not being able to hug them and be close to them.We feared for them, we might not see them again.Some we lost.We faced our spouses with our hearts in our hands as if we were to admit to each other, I am stuck with you through thick and fear. We’re in this together. Either we’ll make it or we’ll break it.We never thought we would be stuck in a house with nowhere to go for two long months if not more, sooner or later all truths would be revealed and eventually lies would be discovered.Some couples found a new rediscovered eternal love, while some found bitter tears and harsh days to live.Singles were faced with their loneliness but found their purpose, found their call and maybe their love through Zoom, through Whatsapp, through Facebook...Love has changed its meaning.God has become more intimate with us; He became our friend to whom we spoke every day.Even if we feared Him more, we felt closer.God came among us. When the synagogues all closed, our souls opened up. He came into our houses, our balconies, our garages, our backyards...Suddenly having an official open relationship with God became forbidden, we had to hide to be part of a minyan. And like all that is forbidden becomes more attractive and tempting.We were longing for those Shabbat prayers in the synagogues, so we woke up following the songs coming from balconies and alleys. Our hearts sang.We missed cooking for guests and being busy socializing and running around.We had nowhere to go; we had nowhere to hide.Even though we were in hiding, we never felt so exposed.Our weaknesses, our thoughts.We realized we are all the same.Simple humans with limitations, with fears and tears.No one was rich or famous enough to get away from it.Even the big powers of the world felt confused, changing their minds and their laws every few days.They wanted to show they were in control, but they were terribly lost.The only ones that gave me strength were those who feared and trusted in God, the holy scholars.They smiled in peace as if they knew something we didn’t know. They spoke to us and preached us and calmed us through words of Torah.Only Torah was going to put peace in our crazy minds.We discovered learning, on Zoom, on lives, on the phone, etc.We found ourselves looking for teachers, for stories in the Gemara, Talmud, Tanya. We began looking for answers to our questions and found them in texts written a few centuries ago.We were surprised.Our answers were found not in Google but in Torah.We have all become scholars now, busy with different Zoom classes each day.Passover feels so far away now, as if we lived three lives already.We thought we would never make it through and we became a pro in facing changes.Huge changes.And now?I almost miss that feeling of infinite space with no time or day that our lives had become.As much as I yearned for normality to come back, now I understand that normality lies inside us, and what we decide is normal.To be totally true to ourselves and to who we are and where we want to be.How we want to spend our life.What are our priorities, our dreams.We might have become fearless.We are stronger.I end my day watching a wedding on Zoom.Before corona, it would have been a huge wedding, probably with lots of guests and a gorgeous display of clothes and jewelry. Today I watch them unite under a simple huppa on the terrace of what looks like a private home, just a few close family members and friends, yet it looks beautiful and happy.It looks real.We have all become more real.I love it.Cheers to this first day of school and the freedom I regained being again alone in the house.Although real freedom is what we just had for three months, and we will never forget it.Cheers to you, my friends, to new beginnings and to real freedom forever with the coming of Moshiach.Amen.The writer is from Italy and lives in Jerusalem with her husband and five kids. She heads HadassahChen Productions as a director, writer and performer. She also heads the Keren Navah Ruth Foundation in memory of her daughter, to help families with sick children. hjm74@hotmail.com
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