I don't know if it's considered selfless or careless, but one way or the other, moving for a man can mark the beginning of the rest of your life.
By TAMAR CASPIChagall love 88 248(photo credit: )
Whenever I hear about people moving for love, I roll my eyes and wish them luck. Call me a cynic, but when one half of a relationship (let's be honest, it's usually the female half) moves for the sake of love, I immediately think she's nuts, crazy or certifiably insane. This woman has decided to upend her life for a man, leaving her job, family and friends… and for what? For the hope of a promise of a future?
A few years ago, when I was still living in the States, I met a couple who had just moved to the West Coast. Rebecca and Ryan were from New York and had been in a long-distance relationship for the past three years. When Ryan got an amazing job offer to work for a firm in southern California, he asked Rebecca to move with him. And she did. Without a ring. Turns out she was the one who wasn't ready to get married. But she decided she loved Ryan more than she loved Manhattan.
I learned a lot from Rebecca. She was simply putting her faith in their love and hoping for the best, a trait I can't help but admire. I envied her courage, putting everything on the line in the name of love. I envied her bravery, risking everything for a man she felt was worthy. And I admired her confidence, knowing so assuredly she was moving for true love. A few months later, Rebecca realized Ryan was her beshert (soulmate), and that she was ready to tie the knot. He proposed on the spot. They've now been married nearly two years, just had their first child, and Rebecca is starting to love southern California… even though her heart will always belong to the Five Boroughs.
But there's no guarantee the man will propose. And what if the couple in question break up? All the woman is left with is, well, nothing. That's what happened to my friend, Caryn. Her boyfriend wanted her to follow him to London from the States, but didn't want to live together once they got there. (By the way, if that's not a sign, I don't know what is. Was she expecting a burning bush?)
Not long after they settled into their respective apartments, he met someone new and broke up with Caryn. She was left heartbroken, and since she was new to the city, she was also left without a shoulder to cry on.
I LEARNED a lot from Caryn, too. She decided that in moving for a man, she had nothing to lose and everything to gain. True, she was dumped and is still searching for her beshert, but at least she tried. And Caryn now knows just how strong she is… it took some time, but she now has a great group of friends and a successful career in London. Her ex recently married the woman he left her for, which hopefully gives Caryn some sort of ironic consolation that at least he didn't break up with her for a fling.
I don't know if it's considered selfless or careless, but one way or the other moving for a man can mark the beginning of the rest of your life. If you're lucky enough to meet a man you believe is worthy, than why not sacrifice anything and everything and follow the man who stole your heart (and possibly your sanity) to the ends of the earth in order to be with him? If you don't give all of yourself, you have no one to blame but yourself.
What I do know for sure is that I'm terrified of never finding love and of having regrets. I would never want to be left wondering "What if?" with that nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that I had stumbled upon love and let it pass me by. To think I may have found true love and wasn't willing to give it my all and open myself up to the possibility of heartbreak is terrifying. As Tennyson said: "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
So if you're still single and complaining about how terrible the dating scene is, sign-up to volunteer, start going to new places, tell your friends to set you up, or get involved in the community and do it with an open mind and an open heart. Call that guy who's in medical school, and who wants to do his residency in another country. Write back that girl on J*Date who lives three hours away. Start e-mailing that guy you met who's on a spiritual journey through southeast Asia. Buy a plane ticket to visit that girl you met while on vacation in Israel. It's just too easy to overlook an amazing person because he or she doesn't live nearby. And there's no job so amazing, no apartment so perfect and no suitcase so small not to quit your job, sublease your spot and pack your bags, all for a chance to find your beshert.
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