By TAMAR CASPI
In this day and age it's hard not to make a phone call. I accidentally call people all the time when I forget to lock the keypad on my cell phone. My friend "Aaron" has gotten quite a few phone calls from my purse because his name has the honor of being listed first in my phone book.
And yet, I get more e-mails from women asking why men don't call than any other type of question or complaint.
Why do guys ask us for our phone numbers at singles events and then never call? If you're single and you're at happy hour or a networking event, then I think I can rightly assume that you're there to meet someone just like I am. I went to all the effort to get dressed up, put on make-up and do my hair. You went to all the effort to approach me, get to know me and ask me for my phone number. So why no phone call?
Was your conquest complete after getting the digits? Did you suddenly suffer a case of amnesia? Is it possible you dropped your phone into a cup of water while hugging someone and lost all your numbers? (This is an actual excuse I was once told.) Or could it be your ex-girlfriend was at the event, got jealous seeing you talking to me (or any other attractive woman), realized she still had feelings for you and now you're back together? (Again, it's happened to me.) But who really knows? Women are left to ponder the possibilities for endless eternity.
A common and hurtful scenario often plays out after what I think is a really great first date: We share a nice kiss at the end of the night, you say you're going to call me… and then nothing. Really? Come on guys, call if you say you're going to call, otherwise don't say you're going to call. It's simple.
One excuse I hear from men is that women like to talk a lot and they don't want to get stuck talking on the phone forever. Instead, they'd rather text or instant message. If you really wanted to see me, then take the time and make the effort to place a phone call. It doesn't have to be a long one. You can even start off the conversation by saying you're busy but want to make plans to get together. But no, men would rather text "what r u up 2?" Seriously? You're going to ask me out via text message? (Again, this has happened to me and more often than you'd think.) A text or instant message does not take the place of a phone call. Period.
THE WHOLE phone call, voicemail, text message conundrum is even worse in Israel where received calls are free but the person making the call gets charged. That means people hang up before the machine answers and don't leave a message but expect the person to call back based on checking their caller ID. It is so frustrating! Spend the extra minute or pay the 17 agorot and leave me a message!
Text messaging has become so popular in Israel that a friend of mine has resorted to courting women solely with his alphanumeric keyboard. I told him that if the women truly liked him then they should and will insist he call, but so far the women have played along with the texted innuendoes… although none of the dates have turned into serious relationships. Coincidence? I think not. If it was that easy to land a date I would be out of a job.
Women are not innocent. We are just as guilty about not returning phone calls. Sometimes we'll give a man our phone number just to get the guy to go away. So when the phone rings and we don't recognize the number on the caller ID, we let it go to voicemail and then never return the call. It's not nice, and it's just as bad as not making the phone call to begin with. On the other hand, ignoring a text is acceptable and not rude at all.
After I began writing this article, I realized I'm guilty of my own gripe. Recently, I met a guy and we exchanged phone numbers. After spending a few hours talking on the phone (my first mistake), we made plans for a date. Once on our date, I realized the chemistry just wasn't there but was willing to give him another chance. Except I never returned his subsequent calls. About 2 weeks later, for no other reason than to clear my conscience, I called him. I prayed he wouldn't answer - and my prayers were answered when his voicemail cued up. I simply left a message apologizing for not returning his phone calls and wished him well.
If you like someone, it doesn't matter how busy you are at work, how sick your grandmother is or where you're traveling. You can make up any excuse in the book, but the simple fact is, if you were interested you would call and if I was interested, I'd call back. Once you can grasp that concept, dating will get a whole lot easier. It will continue to be disappointing at times, but it will get easier.
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