Each person grieves differently – in his own way and in his own time. The nature of the relationship will determine the impact and meaning of the loss, and there is no right way to grieve. The depth of one person’s loss and pain can’t be compared to another’s. I once worked with a sixyear- old girl who was far more upset about the death of her beloved dog than she was over her dad’s death. This little girl had spent her lifetime confiding in her dog and had rarely seen her dad, who had been away in the army.

Saying you know how someone feels is seldom helpful. Being there for someone if and when they are ready to talk is, however, a gift. Don’t just ask how you can help; try to anticipate what may be needed and do it. Grief’s journey is time-consuming and exhausting. You may become impatient with someone when you feel they should “get over it already” and “move on.” If only it were that simple. Unrealistic expectations, whether self-imposed or from others, sadly add to the already heavy burden of loss. How, for example, does one “return to normal” one week, one month or even a year after a sudden unexpected loss? Loss impacts us in every way possible. We develop physical, emotional, cognitive and behavioral signs of distress as we grieve with our entire bodies and beings. Spiritual, economic and social challenges cause us to question who we are and reevaluate how we live our lives. So one doesn’t get over a death, but rather, eventually moves on in spite of it. Lifecycle events, holidays or anniversaries make loss more acute. While we might be able to anticipate some difficult times, others will catch us by surprise and bring unexpected sadness once again.

Living with loss

How to grieve and return to a meaningful life after the loss of a loved one.